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i wished someone could tell me.. my question is, is it the end ?? well i certainly hope it is..for never have i felt this disappointed with someone.. nevertheless whenever i recalled the way he handled these things, in this case - relationships, the little bud of hatred of me begins to blossom, and grow... how i wished we never had that conversation, that night...before our argument started, he was telling that he will be letting me go, because his parents do not encourage him to have any relationships currently...and being a devoted Christian, he took it as a 'sign' from God, saying that God said that man should honour their parents...so, since his parents disagree, God does not agree too, and so he will give up on courting me... no, we're not a couple yet...we weren't even close in being one...for i hesitated when he asked, twice actually...the main reason i was doubtful was because i'm very clear that i do not love him....he's a very bold, dominant and prideful man but nevertheless he's a genius in school.. to me, the very basic foundation of a relationship is when two individuals start to fall for each other, or the very least, fond of each other.... but i did not have such feeling towards him..honestly speaking, even for my last relationship i had with Jason, the main factor that we broked up was i did not love him..even though i tried very hard to do so...at times i even wondered, is there anything wrong with me?? why can't i fall in love?? is it because of the experience i had with daqiang, which did not work out, not even to be a couple, but yet so painful...leaving a deep deep scar at the bottom of my heart...which all this while i was trying to heal it...and as time goes by, i thought the pain is gone, and i felt relieved... yet whenever i recall it, sometimes tears still shed from my eyes...maybe i was wrong to think that i've gotten over it already.. yes, i admit that since the betrayal and cheating and all, i began to lose faith and trust in men... but i'm positive that i do trust my friends, guy or girl...just that when it comes to relationships, i tend to be doubtful..i know people always say that " it is not advisable to start a relationship at such a tender age"...but who can guarantee when it is the right time to start one? who can say when you should start and when you should not? that's why i only trust in one thing...my heart. it will tell me how i feel about this/that guy currently...whether i truly like him, or it is just a crush, or plainly fond of him, but not love... i had 3 relationships before, and another 1 which we did not even date....yet i wonder among this 4 relationships, have i ever found love? Did Cupid abandoned me somehow? i hate the fact that why is it so hard for me to fall for someone, is it because the failures i had last time? is it fear that helds me back now? i wished someone could tell me.. truthfully speaking, i was getting soft-hearted and all as i see the effort he placed on me... i saw sincerity in him...however it totally shut me off when his arrogance began to show, when we argue over sensitive issues that i can never tolerate...when he start annoucing to other people that 'officially' he will be giving up on me...i wonder, did he ever considered how would i feel?? if you say u love me so and so, is that all you can offer? i'm just a plain simple girl..i've to admit that most of the time, i'm naive... yes, especially when it comes to relationships...my friend once asked me, what's the criteria i'm looking for in a guy? i was stunned, unable to give any answers, for i never thought of such questions...because i never set anything like certain 'standards' to become my partner...i believe that it is sincerity, genuine, truthfullness, loyalty and last but not least-love that counts... is that too much to ask? am i being picky to have such requirements? i wished someone could tell me.. + amry @ 3:50 PM | 2 comments
movie outing - 17th March i had to wake up darn early this morning, 7 stg!! or else nobody will be able to fetch me over to abby's house..haha no choice la...not enough sleep, eyes half closed, pujuk pujuk my bros to send me over there...keke by noon, abby hsiao yinn and me arrived at summit...we're gonna catch a movie today with the rest of the guys, josh kiavin and leon...sam will be joining us later...due to many protests by us, =P we decided not to watch ' series of unfortunate events', itz a pretty dull show u know...haha instead, we got ourselves robots!! haha an animated show the most embarressing part is, when we are about to enter the cinema, the 3 of us : me sam n abby got to the wrong cinema!! haha we thought it was thx but actually it's cinema 1 ler....when we went to thx we were wondering where are the rest of the guys, cuz actually they are ahead of us mar, so they should be there before we do...but then when the movie 'Hitch' starts, we knew we aint suppose to be where we were right then...haha...quickly we ran down the stairs, straight to the escalator...lol... after the movie outing, i had to rush straight for my 1st gymrama lesson with serena...i was damn damn scared cuz this is my first time....as u know my flexibility and skills have their limits, and this is another reason i need another coach too...whoa, the warm up is really killing man... 100 front skips with the rope, 100 back skips, 50 cross-skips, 50 single-double skips.. and alot of other streching exercise...worst of all, all of us thought the class is an hour only, but serena said it's 2!!! die man...some more i felt dehydrated cuz i did not bring my water bottle along...poor me..haha... when i'm back from the lesson..my legs muscle are stiff...STIFF...haha and now i have to go for my latin dance class...i think i'm gonna suffer tonight...cuz the dance i'm learning currently is jive, a very fast and energetic dance which envolves alot of leg kicking...haha by the end of the day, i think i was limping already whenever i walk..cant bear it lol... + amry @ 12:32 PM | 0 comments
Red Box here i come!! - 16th March the day finally arrives...i've been really looking forward to this day, the day we ex 3'amanah-ians go for some karaoke session at red box pyramid!! haha i had never been there before, although my bro always talk about it...so today i'm filled with curiosity and excitement!! there are 9 of us : jintik, teong eu, lawrence, eujin, yihao, hanjun, abby, samantha and me. we got the room no.29, a pretty big room actually..we had 3 mics there...good enough la...but due to the our number of people, sometimes we just had to share mic, or take turns to use it. haha afterall we practise sharing is caring right? =P well we had one great time over there...12-3pm..within these 3 hours we sang all our favourite songs...especially jay chow's haha...we also had F.I.R, jolin tsai, simple plan etc etc too much to name... i bought a cake from redbox, so we decided to have a early celebration of his birthday la..since that day he wont be at school cuz of the forum...hehe....so 'happy birthday to u, happy birthday to u' we sang...jintik seem to enjoyed it, well, good lor den =P after redbox, we went on our ways and head shopping!! *yay* but things began to change its color by the end of the day..... firstly i was a bit worried about tomorrow's outing...i doubt that kiavin wil make any arrangements yet...i tried to call him many times but yet i failed cuz no one seem to pick up...den while i was on9, i was chatting with jintik...he's the main reason of why i got so heated up... actually we were chatting as usual, nothing extraordinary...it started when he was talking about hanjun did convert into christianity afterall...i was very happy for jintik, because i know he tries very hard in evangelising...but he got me sparked to flames when he told me to do so onto my freinds, that would be samantha carolyn and abby...this is not the first time he said so, and by this time i'm getting fed-up of it...i told him calmly, that people work in different ways..and i don't believe in evangelisation is everything about christianity...but he insists and keep reassuring that he is correct and all...and things got worse when i firmly said that as long people are good, even if they cannot go straight to heaven, they won't be send straight to hell just like that!! it hurts me so much when he kept saying as long as their non christian believers, they will perish in hell....how hurtful....i was pretty tired by the end of the conversation, not just my body because i had been out the wholeday, but also my mind...my soul....tired of arguing with protestants about who's right and who's wrong...until we have to take out our bibles instead... the conversation i had with jintik did not go anywhere....i had to go so i logged off first..however when i checked my bulletin board in friendster, i saw that our interact i.u gonna be held in our school hall!! instead of a hotel!!! how can it be....it suppose to be a grand event..formal elegant classy...but now school hall?!?! what are the rotarians thinking of now allowing us to have it in a proper hotel instead...by this time i'm gonna burst into tears already, out of fury, not sadness... i really don't wanna perform in such a lame thing...i can't believe that things can change in such a quick swift...everything is turning out so badly...afterall the stressful conversations..hectic day i had...shocking experience when i found out about the i.u....i had to voice out....and leon was there =) since the bad experience i had last year, after i had got over with it ( with the help of all my friends) i didn't really talk to leon about my inner self, how i feel and all...but that night he really helped me...no doubt he is a good listener =) and by the end of the day, i managed to smile once more, thanks dude! for now, i'll just pray hard that things will get better soon... + amry @ 11:51 AM | 0 comments
shall we dance? - 15th March "shall we dance" *clap clap clap* i often hear people singing this song whenever they feel like dancing, or just plainly being cheerful... it is indeed a very good song to cheer u up...by the way if u still duno, it's the theme song from 'the king and i'...haha well today shen yee suppose to take me out for movies...nowadays it's very rare that he got 'freetime' to take me out...haha...but before he come to fetch me, samantha and i have to knock out heads thinking who is booking for the redbox??? the guys are the one who suppose to book it, but i think they din't set a time to meet....haih...guys...arranging things = lousy....so we decided to book ourselves first...sam made the call, but she pandai pandai go say my name and give my contact some more... *drops dead* by 1 shen yee came, pretty punctual as usual...i hopped into the car and he told me we are gonna watch 'shall we dance' today... *yippee* i always love any movies about dances...haha...so we drove all the way to midvalley and buy tickets...got us some popcorns and drinks, and to the cinema we head! the show is nice...espeacially the story line =) richard gere is exceptionally charming when he was up the escaltor, wearing tuxs, and holding a stalk of deep red rose...now that's what i call charming!! this show don't show much of the latin dances...out of the 5, they only had chacha and paso doble...which i think aint that good compared to the paso doble of 'strictly ballroom' .. but instead, it's more of waltz and quickstep...elegant dances....yes yes...and whoa, j.lo can really dance...(i didn't know she was a latino dancer before) haha... overall...i had a great day...and looking forward for tomorrow....hehe karaoke? =p + amry @ 11:21 AM | 0 comments
a dream is a wish ur heart makes yay!!! finally i'm really going disney on ice!! at first i was worried when my mom said that she might not be able to get the tickets....but guess wat?! i went last monday night!! haha for the 8.30pm session =) hip hip hurray! whenever i tell ppl that i want to go disney on ice...they will go like, wat?! u still small ar? yea! i'm a kiddo inside...childish and immatured....hehe when it comes to disney, i will melt! i've spent my entire childhood watching disney shows, especially the seven princess : Mulan, Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty, Little Mermaid, Beauty and the Beast, Aladdin, and Snow White. when my parents and i reached the stadium, gosh it was packed! afterall there are many fans of disney! hehe we managed to get a lower tier seat, 4th row from the front...and outside the stadium there were several stalls selling disney souvenirs...such as toys, tshirts, mugs etc. the show started at 8.30 sharp...the first princess to perform is Jasmine and Aladdin!! they even had a flying carpet!! next it was little mermaid...where u can see ppl dressed in leotards with fins on their head, body, hand and feet...it looked beautiful because they all look so colourful, just like the fishes! haha and we even got Sebastian! =P but i like the part where the evil queen of the sea took Ariel's voice...very interesting...i like the music best! then the event was followed up by sleeping beauty...it started with the 3 fairy godmothers...trying to sew the dress for Aurora's 16th birthday....they eventually manage to change it from red to blue, blue to red! jus like the movies! hehe...and then came the evil witch with her spinning-wheel..and Aurora pricked her finger... after that we had mulan....as usual they played christina aguilera's-reflection... very nice...we get to see snow white...and the seven dwarfs!! gosh they are SOO CUTE! and once again the valiant witch came with the poisonous apple...haha...and lastly before the interval, we had beauty and the beast....with the song by celine dion...gosh all these music are so meaningful....that's why i enjoyed watching disney =p after the 6 princesses perform..there was a 15 min interval....i managed to squeezed out of that crampy place to buy stg =P my mum gave me 50 bucks, so i bought a Dopey t-shirt...hehe! then the night continued with the cinderella story....pity that the prince fell during his solo performance...i guess every pro also will make mistakes at times =) but cinderella was beautiful..even the person who was performing it...and yea...those mice!! so cute!!! awwww i wished they sell those in the souvenir shop... the night ended at 10.30pm sharp...i was very much impressed with their punctuality...what to do, international standard mar =P on my way out i managed to grab a pair of mickey and minnie plushie..120 bucks! my own money...hehe....but since young i always wanted a pair of those, so i knew if i do not buy it, definitely i will regret it later on...hehe this night had become one of my happiest night after so long...it's amazing to see fairy tales come alive like this...and their skating skills were fantastic...plus, i enjoyed watching the castle change from time to time....i would definitely agree that it is worth to buy the tickets, for the show... how i hope they will come again, soon =p on my way home....my heart, my mind, my voice, can't stop singing disney songs.. A dream is a wish your heart makes When you're fast asleep In dreams you lose your heartaches Whatever you wish for, you keep Have faith in your dreams and someday Your rainbow will come smiling through No matter how your heart is grieving If you keep on believing the dream that you wish will come true + amry @ 4:06 PM | 0 comments
a pencil case on the 7th of Mac, last monday, i had to admit that it had been very eventful for me....hehe yea very happening indeed...but in a good way =) well, jintik really did get me a new pencil case!! haha i was like, stunned for a moment there when he passed me that package...even though he told me he's gonna get me one ( the previous pencil case of mine was stolen =[ ) , i never thought that he will get it so soon... it's like just over the weekend only.. seem that afterall he aint that 'muk duk' haha hmmm the pencil case is blue in colour...not a very bright blue, but instead a pretty faded and dull-looking blue...actually i saw this Tropicana Life pencil case many times before, but i did not buy it...instead i bought one which is 10 bucks more expensive from Op...too bad it was stolen in school *sobsob* anyways, when i first look at the pencil case, i did not really like it, honestly speaking... although it had a nice floral printing on it, but i would choose the pink colour one if i get to choose... but come to think of it, it is the thought that counts right? he stayed to his word at least....and by the way, the pencil case aint that bad afterall...and i was surprised that he is willing to spend 20 bucks on gifts for me ( the pencil case is 20 bucks)...i remember very well last time he was hesitating when i wanted to buy a bag from TL too...it was supposed 2 be my belated bday present....but it cost 22, which exceeded his budget.....so in the end i had to pay around 40% of it...haha! so this time, i take it as an 'improvement' lor... =p afterall that pencil case looks quite nice too, after i reviewed it several times... one afternoon, i managed to ask him about why he chose this pencil case for me... what makes him choose blue? TL brand? floral? then he answered, TL is a good brand, and i like the colour blue ( i think he made that statement because he saw my previous pencil case was all in blue), and the other 2 pencil case over there is pretty bulky n boyish...so he thinks that this should be fine... when i first heard it, i felt well....afterall he's thoughtful...as a friend i'm glad to have him...and about the pencil case...whenever i look at it, it shows that someone do or at least did care for me, once a upon a time =) afterall, it's the thought that counts, right? + amry @ 3:44 PM | 0 comments
eujin's last day being a seafieldian *sobz* the day has finally arrived... today it would be our last time seeing eujin as a seafieldian... he will be leaving for catholic high tomorrow... time flies and we had been friends for 4 years already, since form 1 when i 1st know him.. eujin is a very responsible guy...that's why he was our class monitor for like 2? 3? years in a row? haha somehow i pity him cuz he always get elected... other then that he'z a librarian too...pn tan always compliment him of how responsible and efficient he is... such a fine young men huh? nevertheless he'z our no 1 goal keeper in the Rejectz Soccerteam...haha but this year..aikz bad things keep happening around us...esp on poor eujin...he was forced to change school due to certain reasons...(which i shouldnt mention here) anyway, i was pretty shock and couldnt accept it at first when i heard of it...i felt so miserable and duno wat to do when i hear his current situation... there's nothing much i can do 2 help...i can only pray hard that he will do fine there... today i went to school with the card that i bought last week...itz a really BIG CARD from memory lane hehe.. i manage to get almost every ex-3A to sign it...and a couple of librarians, classmates and teachers too! at first the card was pretty much empty...but soon enough it was so full till there's no other place to drop a message...haha...well back to school, my camera is with me as usual =P snap snap snap keke.. trying not to miss anyone or anything out =) by the end of the day, the result is pretty rewarding for i took almost everything =P ahaha towards the end of the day, eujin had his stomach ache again...he couldnt walk up so we guys went to st john's room and keep him company there...hehe ponteng class also =P by now we're feeling pretty down cuz we know that soon the bell will ring and he will be leaving soon... we sat by his bed and sang a couple of songs..haha...as u all know jay chow is their favourite singer among them because his songs are very meaningful and touching =) we even sang goodbye songs...haha..luckily no1 cried...or else damn embaressed loo.... all i can do now is..pray pray pray HARD...that eujin would do fine over there! may God bless him always! + amry @ 3:29 PM | 0 comments
a day where people cries =( haihz...thought today would be fine...but i was shocked to death when carolyn told me she saw eujin was so sick dat he had to be 'papah' down to st johns room...so she n i quickly ponteng our class...even though it is add maths period..double period some more!! went down n c him lor...poor guy there having a major gastric...can see him in such agony...kesian...aikz and he was talking about his current situation in life...man he broke down in tears...sobbing so badly... lawrence n i as frenz also duno wat 2 say la... i couldnt stop worry for eujin...tomorrow will be his last day in school...i'm afraid the similar thing happen and he couldnt fit in there....worried worried worried... and guess wat...sam cried 2day..known her for 4 years, 1st time saw her broke down to tears...it was because of her addmaths result...she failed...poor darling...it seems that her class alot of people failed addmaths...even ppl who take tuition like dq and weng yue... yesterday carolyn n i were frutting about us getting C...but now i changed my mind...i'm glad that i managed to pass, when other ppl didnt...and at least i got a C, not a D right? =) jus hope that my these two best friends will feel better by now... + amry @ 6:04 PM | 0 comments
exam results sucks!! sob sob i wanna cry liao!! today got back my add maths, maths and bio..aikz...damn cacat...esp my maths n add maths!! could have got SOOO MUCH HIGHER if i wasn't careless....i could've got at least a B for add maths instead of a C...sobz...1st C in my life.... as for maths...damn! 100 was my target!! or 90+ also not that bad la...unexpectedly ---- 82...and u know what mistake i did? copy wrong question!! 10 marks there ar....wah sam thong sam thong =( bio wasnt great too..i got 74, a2...i terbalik the facts again!! i feel like strangling and hitting myself...anne y u so stupid 1?!?!?! and teacher wont give me 1 mark...jus 1 mark =( then i could've got a1 mar..so kiamsiap 1 haih.. anyway what is done is already been done..midyear exam work harder lo! must get a1 for add maths!!! + amry @ 6:33 PM | 0 comments |
+__ -the lil fox- __+ +__ l i n k __+
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