living the foxy way ^^

October 07, 2006

A few weeks ago I was browsing through various blogs in the internet…well somehow or another I actually enjoyed reading them, especially certain posts which are very intriguing indeed, despite whether I know the blogger personally or not. And recently I stumbled upon this blog, and one of its hottest post's title caught my eye…

"Losing my virginity"

I'm sure those three words caught your attention too. I mean, who wouldn't? Well rest assured that that post isn't some erotic sexual encounter experience of the writer, or pornography, for that matter. In fact, it is about the writer's opinion on when does a girl, or a woman loses her virginity.

As we all know, we live in a very judgmental society. Every little thing that we do, whether it is how we speak, or how we act, or how we dine, or even the tiniest deed that we do, naturally people around us will tend to judge and evaluate, and unknowingly categorizing us in different ranks of society. And sadly, we, who fall under the female category, often get the harshest criticisms most of the time.

All our lives we're considered as the weaker link, and so we spent all our lives proving otherwise. When we were young, we had to compete with the boys in sports to show that we are physically as capable as them. Then we had to make an extra effort to study hard just to prove that it is simply wrong when ancient civilization banned woman from getting education, since the level of our intelligence is on par with men. As we slowly begin our journey to adulthood, we have to constantly beware on how we carry ourselves to avoid from being regarded as a total slut or bitch. And as a teenager, I believe the most common dilemma we had to face is the ever controversial issue about a person's virginity.

Being brought up in a Chinese family, naturally my family tried their very best to instill various virtues inside me. I was also constantly reminded about the question on morality before making any decisions, or taking any actions. And just like any other religion, my faith always stresses on chastity, as well as the importance of keeping your warranty valid until you get married. So you can imagine how the word 'pre-marital sex' became a taboo for us all. But I simply don't understand what the fuss is about when one loses his or her virginity outside of the marital bed.

No, I'm not encouraging pre-marital sex in any way, nor have I done it. But I have to admit, being a hot-blooded teenager, my self-restraining ability was a very fine line indeed. I was very passionate about everything, especially when I first stepped into the world of puppy loves and relationships. I was eager and curious to experience everything, but holding back some because of my faith. But even if I did, does that make me a bad person, or any less good?

And ironically, our society is often biased, especially when it comes to sexual issues. If a young lad encountered sexual experience, he could get away easily simply because he is considered a hot-blooded, immature, not-knowing-what-he-was-doing teenager. But on the contrary, if it was a young girl, you can imagine the consequences she has to endure, not with her sexual partner, but all by herself. Pretty unfair huh? I suppose even with modern civilization, we can never get rid of the very much hated double standards.

Although I had never crossed that line, I know of certain people who actually did, and some of them are actually my friends. If you thought that they were boasting in glee and pride when they retell the incident, you're very wrong indeed. In fact, most people who had actually been there and done it, felt deeply remorseful for what had happened. And it was far from easy for them to open up, simply because they fear of being rejected by their families, friends, and the society. On the other hand, the guilt they have to go through is a long and lonely journey. But if only we could stop passing judgments unto other people, or labeling them unknowingly, the percentage of teen suicides or teenagers facing emotional breakdowns might decrease eventually. After all, who we are to judge them?

I personally believe that to have premarital sex or not is simply a choice. Albeit our eastern culture somehow prohibits it, it would not do any good if a person is simply holding back just because he/she is told off by a third party, rather than choosing to stay a virgin just because he/she wants to. Very often that person would most likely pursue it, because he/she is holding to other people's beliefs, not their own. But if they made the call themselves, their decision would be naturally their very own principal, which will be much harder to be shaken and challenged by other parties.

And for those gentlemen out there who want virgin brides, stop messing around with your current girlfriends. What's the point of sleeping with someone if you have no intention of continuing the relationship with them in future? Isn't it irresponsible to persuade one to sleep with you and marry another one just because she is a virgin?

As for those who keeps blaming their partner of why they didn't wait long enough, it wasn't because they did not love you, but simply because it is human nature that people make mistakes at time, especially during their adolescent times. Plus I personally believe that nobody should be penalized for what they did in the past, simply because the past is history and history are meant to be learnt from it.

I guess all I want to say is, if one really did lose his/her virginity, it does not make that person any less good. In the same way, even if one succeeded to keep theirs, it does not make them a more righteous person either. As for my case, I hope that I'll be the latter one =P

+ amry @ 8:31 PM

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