aMRy

2007-06-01T20:33:00.000+08:00

happy 14th month anniversary baby.

i love you, more and more each day.

national service 2007

2007-05-24T10:22:00.000+08:00

it has been more than a week since i've left Bau, Sarawak... but till today it seems so surreal that i'm finally back... just a week ago i was still in Kem Puncak Permai, walking around in nothing but sarongs or lingeries due to the heat, marching almost daily and dragged my feet to all the physical activities... i was still in the midst of the jungle back then, where there was no internet service, and the nearest town, Kuching is about 45 minutes drive from the camp.. the sudden change of environment from a place where greeneries were basically all that you can see, back to the urbanised lifestyle where countless skyscrapers stood majestically on their grounds.. everything felt like it was a just a dream... and a very long dream indeed...

i would have been lying to say that i do not miss National Service at all.. yes, initially my hatred towards it was indescribable.. i hated the fact that the freedom that i've always longed for was absent, our movements were very restricted, and even our freedom of speech was limited to a certain extent. there was no rooms for argument or debate.. your responsibility is very simple and clear, listen and act according to the instructions given.. being a rebellious and very opinionated person, i often struggled to obey things which i do not agree upon.. at first, the whole organisation seem like a freaking monarchy system to me.. the commandant as the king, the officers as the ministers, coaches or teachers as the excecutioners, and the rest of us, the trainees, are simply commoners who are told to obey whatever the king says. many of you who are ex-trainees might not agree with me, but it is well known that Kem Puncak Permai is one of the strictest camp around.. that was what i've heard before i went, and after being there for 2 months, i do agree..

nevertheless, this experience has been a true eye opener to me.. there's still racial issues among the younger generations, afterall.. before this i used to believed that it was the older generations who practises racial discrimination, due to the various conflicts among ethnics that has occured during the British colonisation and of course, the infamous May 13 incident. however, having lived with people of different ethnics, religion and background under one roof, the fights, backstabbings, mistrust, conflicts that has occured in the dorms and among the company itself has proved that racial unity has yet to be achieved among the younger generations. looking back at our research findings on the Malaysian Studies project did made some sense after all, that national unity is indeed absent among Malaysians.

albeit there were racial conflicts initially, we have learnt to address the problem itself and work on overcoming it, for the benefit of the majority. no one likes to be in a place where fights and backstabbings often takes place, and if we cannot get rid of the suspicion that we have of each other, how can we expect unity in the company, that is vital to the company's victory? after having various heart-to-heart talk and open sharing sessions, all of us confronted the issue and agreed to work on it. as time passes by, day by day we learnt more about each other, and we try to put ourselves in other person's shoe and look at situation from another perspective. we made an effort to take the extra mile to tolerate each other's needs, and accepted each other's shortcomings. we are, afterall, just humans, who are anything but perfect.

if i were to list down all that i've learnt and experienced in National Service, the list would be never-ending. it is, like they say, a once in a lifetime experience. from the way of tieing a sarong without it dropping down, to the adrenaline rush that was so overwhelming when attempting flying fox (felt like jumping down from a 3 storey building, and i was the only one who was given a second try, and even a third one which i refused cuz the people around me was already fuming), to the supernatural incidents that has occured during the second week in my dorm (a test of faith and mental strength indeed!) to have your heartbeat stopped for a nanosecond as you fire your first shot with the M16, to swimming in the lake that has fishes and god knows what inhabiting in it, to 'rakit-ing', where you had to paddle fanatically along with 9 others in the water, to the various competitions among companies where you cheer your heart out for your company mates (i lost my voice and had a severe soarthroat due to that), to the various heart-to-heart talks we've had that made me realised how fortunate i am, compared to what others have experienced. the list is endless...but i know, the whole experience has definitely changed me. besides putting on a couple of pounds (thanks to the numerous maggi-mee sessions), i'm certain that the person who came back from Kem Puncak Permai on May 15th is definitely not the same person who left LCCT on March 18th.

the only regret that i have from coming back early is having to say goodbye to the friends that i've acquainted in camp. now, my circle of friends are no longer limited to malays and indians alone, but also ibans, bidayuhs etc. it was heartbreaking initially, when i found out that i was leaving earlier than expected. my friend and i wept bitterly from the office where we heard the news, back to our dorm where we broke the news to our friends. for the past 2 months we were like a family, listening to each other's problems, and helping one another overcoming one's fears and doubts. it is such a pity that we are seperated by the South China Sea, and though AirAsia's cheap air fares seems to be the solution to our distance problem, but deep inside we clearly know it would be another couple of months or even years till we meet each other again. sigh. but thanks to the advancement in technology, handphones and internet are the next best alternative... okay... enough with words already... i'll just let the pictures do the talking...

Mei, Li Poh, Me, Sherlyn and Steph
At the classroom, before i left

Take two.

Lining up according to companies.
From Left: Alpha, Bravo, Charlie, Delta

Right before i left Kem Puncak Permai
From left: Sing Yii, Mei, Mei Xiang, Li Poh, Steph, Sook Ngor, Me, Sherlyn, Michelle)

camwhoring at my dorm, P7

The Musical Drama Team,
( Performance on Open Day was canceled unfortunately due to the death of the Chief Clerk. booh! )

Me and Li Poh, my 'lao poh' in camp

Sherlyn's 18th birthday celebration

Lining up at the marching field before class

there's just about it.. i know, i know... it's not that much... that's because i took all of this with my handphone... and as you know, i only have it during weekends and holidays.. hopefully i'll get more from my friends once they get back in 2 weeks time!

in the mean time, who wants to meet up? =D

2007-05-20T10:12:00.000+08:00

ahh.... it feels like aeons ago since i last posted something... true enough, the last post was february. haha can see what a procrastinator am i from feb - march. but hey, since then i have a valid excuse for my absence right =) duh i was serving national service in Bau for about two gruesome months...

time waits for no man.. and i couldn't agree more... it felt like yesterday when i had to packed my bags and bid farewell to my parents in Stadium Shah Alam. i remembered being all emotional that time, crying from the stadium to LCCT. in the airport, i've managed to acquainted a few friends, and met some old one there too. we were all eager to fly to Kuching, but unfortunately many could not board on their flight as their names were not found in the flight's namelist. the queues were horrifically long, people start to lose temper and frustration. imagine yourself after queueing a 100 metre long queue, when its finally your turn, you handed your IC but was told your name wasn't found in the database. so your only alternative was to wait for another couple of hours (in LCCT where their number of shops is so limited) to see if your name is on the other flights. pretty nerve-wrecking right? many were cursing and blaming the government for such inefficiency..

but well, i was lucky for being able to board on the first flight... when we've reached Kuching International Airport, we were took by a bus to our camp, which was approximately 30 minutes from the airport itself. it was already dinner time when we were finally standing on Kem Puncak Permai's ground. to my horror, handphones will be consficated 10 min after dinner! which was much earlier than i expected. i quickly called my parents and him, trying my very best not to cry through the phone call. soon after that our luggage bags were checked by the teachers, and gosh they really can messed up your nicely packed luggage!

later on i was brought to my dormitory. i was situated in P7, which means i'm in the Delta company along with P8. the dorms are pretty clean, with two rows of beds neatly arranged vertically along the room. i chose a spot and start to unpacked my belongings quietly.. after having bottling up all my feelings for the entire there, i realise i could no longer suppressed them anymore. big, fat drops of tears rolled down my cheek. it was a whole new environment.. and unlike others, there's no one i knew from subang who came here as well... it felt terrible not having your handphone when you need it the most.. i felt alone, and lost.. before i know it, i was drowning in a pool of tears, trying my best to fall asleep, and hoping that the next day would be a better one...

well the later days weren't that bad.. but you do need time to readjust yourself to your new surroundings... things were pretty monotonous there... and first lesson i've learnt from NS is time management. there's really no room for procrastination because our schedule is so packed! an example of our daily routine would be like this:

before 5 am - wake up and clean up yourself. do your bed and change to PT clothes.
6 am - line up according to your respective companies in the marching field
- sing the national anthem and the " wira wirawati" song
- hentak kaki and the infamous Picit 10
- physical training ( which includes lari bukit at times)
7 am - breakfast
- change to class attire (baju kelas)
8 am - line up at the marching field again
- disciplinary check
8.30 am - classes commence ( Character Building and Kenegaraan)
10 am - tea break
10.35 am - classes resume
12 pm - lunch / break
2 -4 pm - physical module ( where the sun is the HOTTEST)
4 pm - tea break again
5 pm - recreation / sports activities
6 pm - dinner / break
8.30 pm - assemble at the hall
10 pm - supper
11 pm - lights off / sleep.

that was a brief insight of what we do daily in the camp. it might not seem that bad, but i did not include times where we have to walk back and forth from the class to my dorm, or from the hall to my dorm, which is a pretty long walk okay! imagine yourself walking back and forth from school 10 times a day. getting exhausted is one thing, but the time you wasted in walking is another! then the most time and energy consuming is the laundry work. gosh, those uniforms are heavy okay! they soaked up water and absorb them like sponge. so it becomes terribly heavy when you handwash them. haha even the guys are complaining about the laundry. worse still, everyday we have to put on different uniforms, from the usual tracksuits, to the class attires, to the celorengs (the blue-striped army uniform that you always see) and finally back to the class attire again). and we were given only 2 sets of uniform each! this means we cannot procrastinate when it comes to washing. the routine of hand-washing clothes several times a day explains why i have bigger arms and shoulders when i came back! sigh =(

2007-02-21T00:18:00.000+08:00

first of all, i deeply apologise for the lack of updates. i know, i know. it has almost been 2 months since i posted something. hehe. to be frank there were several times i really felt like posting something, but somehow or another the lazy bug still kicks in. procrastination still prevails afterall =D

well, seems like the workload from my college isn't as heavy as my friend's from Taylor's. I'm in Sunway, by the way. Since January i've been getting complaints about the overpiling load of assignments and homeworks. Though mine doesn't seem to be THAT heavy (so far), my timetable is really taking a toll on me. Silly me is taking a total of 5 subjects: Economics, Accounting, Math, Law and General Paper. (yes, i've finally decided to forego all the sciences altogether. been wanting to do that since form 4. hehehe.) As it is 6 hours per subject per week, it sums up to a total of 30 hours of classes in college. if you include the 3 hours of LAN (malaysian studies) per week, it will be 33 hours per week. gawd! it is seriously very taxing okay. most of the time my classes are back to back, as in no break in between. you finish one class, you walk to another classroom, and sit there for another one and a half hour. then the whole cycle repeats itself. for example tuesdays would be from 10am-5pm (no lunch break at all, mind you) and wednesdays would be from 8.30am-5pm, with an hour and a half of break in between. this explains why i'm sooooo jealous of some of my friends who are from taylors. they have plenty of breaks in between! a few hours somemore! =(

on the other hand, the NS camp lists are finally out. though i found out mind a few days later than everyone else as i was in my hometown, Penang. actually it started off with a casual phone call with my darling. and since he was in the cyber cafe, i asked him to check for me as well. mind you, that time i didn't know it has been released, so i wasn't expecting to hear anything. hence i couldn't really believe my ears when i heard sarawak. i really thought he was pulling a prank on me. but then he started reading out the address: Kem Puncak Permai, blablabla, Bau, Sarawak. i was kind of waiting for him to shout 'gotcha!' , but nope, few minutes has passes and there's no sign of a joke. slowly i start to regain my rationality, no. this is true. my heart sanked, and i was struggling with tears once again.

since the day i found out i was selected, i never stopped worried about the camp i would be sent to. since the first day of February, almost everyday, i would go to that website to see if there's any news regarding the list of camps. i wanted somewhere in Peninsular, so at least i would still have some visitors. albeit my dear constantly assured me that he would visit me regardless of where i was sent to, however deep inside i still know i were to be in the East Malaysia, chances of me seeing him within that 3 months would be close to nil. i know, AirAsia's air fare of RM9.90 seems rather appealing, but there are various hidden fuel charges and taxes which are not included yet. sigh. well, couldn't do much now. can i? currently i'm just looking out for any contacts from Bau or Kuching. hopefully the journey from KL - Kuching - Bau is not too costly.

on a lighter note, Happy Chinese New Year to all!

Marriage - A Lifelong Commitment

2007-01-08T20:53:00.000+08:00

well college officially started last week. and i have to say it is not as bad as i expected. of course there were butterflies in my stomach during orientation. but i'm glad it went pretty well.. not the listening of hours and hours of speech but you know, the meeting new friends, getting new acquaintances part =)

so for the 2nd day of orientation, all of us had to sit for this English Proficiency Test (EPT). yeah. sucks huh? second day of college already have to write essays. haha! well EPT is used to test your proficiency in english, and your results will determine whether you will be in General Paper class or English ( IELTS).

what really strucked me is one of the essay questions that they had for the EPT. the question goes like this:

"why do people still marry even though one in four marriages end up in divorce?"

before we get into that matter, maybe we should ask ourselves why do people marry in the first place? i believe since the beginning of time all living things have been mating, including animals and you know, plants. therefore, it is only normal that human beings do so too. all for the sake of reproduction, in other words is to ensure the continuation of one's species.

but as you know too, human beings often call themselves special, different from all other living things, since we are given the gift of thought and emotions. so naturally, when it comes to the task of multiplying, we do it in a different way. unlike animals like dogs, as long both parties are of different sexes, it will be seen mating away. even in public. haha! whereas human beings have replaced the word mating with a beautiful term, marriage. even common terms such as having sex or f**k can be substituted with 'making love'.

however, divorce rates are increasing rapidly over the years. everyday more and more children are suffering scenarios whereby they are separated from either parent due to broken marriages. does this phenomenon shows that our society has really lost faith in the sacrament of holy matrimony? if that is so, why do people still choose to marry although the very foundation of the institution of marriage has already been challenged and shakened?

i believe most of us somehow spend our lifetime seaching for that special someone. That one and only person out there, who is somewhat destined to be together with you. your true love. your soul mate. it is not a matter of maturity, or age, cause the feeling of longing is already there way before you hit your puberty. you might not put much thought of it when you were young, and yet, all the cinderella stories and sleeping beauty fairytales have unknowingly made you wait for that prince-charming of yours, riding his magnificent white stallion, and come to take his princess away. and when you actually hit puberty, you start to explore in the world of puppy loves. being innocent and naive, you actually believed that the relationship could actually last till the end of time. when you finally step into college, or join the workforce, you socialise more. the number of your acquaintances grew. but each and everytime you get to know a guy or a girl, you still can't help it but wonder, could he/she be the one?

sadly, how many romantic fairytales did ever come true in our lives? countless times we have been let down and disappointed over and over again as one relationship fails another. and as we mature and age, the desperation to find someone also increases as we know our time on earth is running short. eventually, we'll give up on finding Mr/Ms Perfect. no, i don't mean perfect as in tall, smart, pretty, well-built, rich etc type but rather finding the perfect companion that can fulfil all your needs and tolerate all your nonsense as well. as time passes by, we become less picky and less demanding. some may even give in just for the sake of marrying someone.

the rather confusing matter is, why do most people seem to take marriage as a necessity, a need rather than a want? that, i think, we have to give credit to these people's perseverance and determination, and of course, faith. as i said early, searching for the right person is a lifelong journey. it doesn't take count on how many past relationships u had, or rather how many past marriages, seeing the number of people remarrying are increasing too. but both parties have the similar concept in mind, if the previous one fails, maybe the latter one may eventually work out then. thus is doesn't really matter although 25% of couples end up in divorce. because being human, we always choose to put aside all the negativity. being human, we always believe that who knows, we might be lucky enough to be in the other 75%. afterall, who has the right to say that you don't deserve a chance of happiness?

on the other hand, i believe a minority of people chose to get married due to pressure from family members and their peers. before we turn and point the finger at other people, let us question ourselves, what is the first thing in your mind if you found out that the middle-age man/woman you're speaking to is single and unmarried. surely you'll be secretly wondering what's wrong with this person that no one wants to start a family with him/her, am i right? our society is such that anything that doesn't belong to common norms of society, will often be judged and criticised by the rest of the society. since getting married is common, thus staying single naturally became otherwise. worse still, with the double standards we have in our society, the amount of pressure and stress that single women face could be unbearable too. just by looking at terms like 'spinster' and 'bachelor', we can slightly have a picture of what single women have to endure. the idea of getting married to someone that might not be prince charming and just an average joe is far more appealing than being classified as unwanted, rejected, and worse of all, old.

well, let's not be so pessimistic about things, shall we? hehe. there is this saying about why do people get married that i'm currently personally very fond with. it is taken from the movie "Shall We Dance?". albeit it is no Shakespear's words or great Socrate's philosophies. but somehow or other, i find it rather relevant, and of course, i melt when i first heard it. Though i might not be able to put it in exact words, but this is a rough idea of how it goes: There are 6 billion people in this world. and out of this 6 billion, we seem rather small and minute as individuals. As an individual, everything little thing that we do, whether is it a simple ordinary tasks such as cleaning and dining, or our everyday obligatory task like going to work, seemed so insignificant, and not worth mentioning at all at times. So there are times when you seem to be all alone, living your everday life, unwatched, unwitnessed, unnoticed. But if you get to spend your lifetime with someone, things are somehow different. Because no matter how small or minute or how simple a task might seemed, there will be someone there to notice every detail, to take care of your every aspect in life. Someone will be there to watch, to witness, to notice your life. and with that, everything else seemed relevant once more. because you are significant. because you mean something to someone. and when the time comes where you breath your last, at least you know you didn't spend your lifetime unnoticed. like how we always stare in pity whenever we saw an animal carcass on the road side. and that slightest bit of pitiness simply vanishes by the time you reach the end of the road.. with sharing the rest of your live with that someone, you meant something more than just a memory to your partner, your friend, your love.

"When the time comes where you hold my hands and whisper ' I love you' into my ears, that is when you know i'm completely yours."

2007-01-02T21:59:00.000+08:00

ahh...it's new year at last... a fresh new start, ya know? year 2006 was indeed a very memorable year to me. you can say it was hell of a rollercoaster ride, with its ups and downs. but oh well, i'm still very much thankful for all the friends i acquainted ( you know who you are =) , achieving success beyond my wildest dreams ( IU Night, debate competition etc. ) and of course, having to meet someone that i still hold dear to my heart.

the start of 2007 was pretty eventful for me, at least. i remember exactly one year ago, on the eve of year 2006, i was sitting in front of the computer at home, typing a depressing post on how not festive i felt about the new year celebration. a year later, many things changed for sure. i was there in Tony Roma's at pyramid, patiently waiting for the clock to strike 12 with my close friends. and best of all, we got to witness a full view of fireworks that was released on that night, minus the sweat and of course, the crowd. it felt as if the whole celebration was right there before you, and you're witnessing it without having to push around the usual crowd. plus, the place was air conditioned. what more can i ask for?

so far year 07 has bring me nothing but joy. and i really hope that it will stay this way for the rest of the year. like they always say, a new year, a new hope. and i'm hoping that this year would be a better one than the last. not to say the last wasn't good enough. but being human and being greedy, it's only normal to ask for more ;)

yesterday all the NS 1st batch trainees were finally leaving their homes to pursue the much hated training. as one of the selected trainees, i can't help but felt my heart sanked a little as i watch them boarding the buses. in another few months time, i will be in their shoes. i wonder who would be there, to say goodbye? ah, saying goodbye is gonna be tough. especially the thought of not having your mobile phone during the weekdays doesn't make it any easier. ( i know, i know, i practically can't live without it haha ) and it is 3 months. not to say long, but it's definitely not short either. sigh

on a lighter note, i'll be one of the early ones who will be starting college early. in fact, my orientation is starting this thursday. *sobs* and yes, for those who are wondering, i am still going for NS. in fact, right after NS, i will be back in college again. the point is, i'm actually kinda worried about going to college. though i had been there since i was a lil kid (my mum works there), but actually going there as a college student is a different story indeed. i still remember how worried i was on my first day at seafield. new environment, new classes, new subjects, unfamiliar faces, new friends. ah, i have to start the whole process of adapting to a new environment again. and the cycle just goes on and on eh?

well, wish me luck on that. =D

2006-12-22T15:53:00.000+08:00

those three words. are said too much. they're not enough. no one ever said that love was gonna be easy. gotta take the ups and downs. the in-betweens. i was all by myself for the longest time. cuz i want just one love to be enough. and remain in my heart till i die. i hear your name in certain circles. and it always makes me smile. i spent my time just thinkin about you. and its almost driving me wild. you touched my heart. you touched my soul. i know you well. i know your smell. i've been addicted to you. and love is blind and that I knew when, my heart was blinded by you. well everything was easy then. so sweet and innocent. but your demons and your angels reappeared. every time I think of you I always catch my breath. i'm still standing here and your miles away. and the hurt from the heart it would not subside. saying I love you. is not the words I want to hear from you. i just want to hold you. well they say that love is in the air. but never is it clear. how to pull it close and make it stay. you got my head spinning. i don't know where to go from here. cos I'm slipping away like the sand to the tide. you don't know how desperate I've become. and It looks like I'm loosing this fight. you can't break my spirit. it's my dreams you take. but do you know that when you go, i fall apart. leavin' all the traces of the man you thought you'd be. leavin' me with no place left to go from here. and there's a storm that's raging through my frozen heart tonight. it’s a wonder my heart still hears and beats and feels. don't kiss and hug me and then try to run. i don't want just a memory. give me forever. i'm tired of hiding behind these lying eyes. i'm tired of this smile that even I don't recognize. but is there someplace far away. someplace where all is clear. easy to start over with the ones you hold so dear. if you looked in my eyes would you see what's inside. would you swear that you'll always be mine? was it you that kept me wondering through this life? when you know that I was always on your side. and there's a message that I'm sendin' out. like a telegraph to you or something. honey, stop this heart ache all alone. and as you move on, remember me. remember us and all we used to be. goodbye my lover. you have been the one for me

2006-12-08T00:17:00.000+08:00

haha! so it is finally over and done with! well i know almost everyone has been celebrating and rejoicing in the name of freedom quite a few days ago.. but sadly i only got to savour it yesterday! and gosh, the extra two days was really agonizing! it feels like you're done, but just a tiny weeny bit unfinished yet. that kind of frustration, ya know? drives you crazy. but what da heck, it's history =)

but one thing of ending ur spm later than everyone else is, you don't get to celebrate and scream at the top of your lungs with the rest of the crowd when it is over. i believed literally everyone headed straight to the malls after bio paper. and while other people busy taking pictures as it is their last day as a high school student..sadly when it comes to my turn, there ain't much celebration going. in fact, i don't think there is any, for me. all i did was head home, then head to summit (with parents, mind you) to watch happy feet, then head straight home. kinda sad huh?

don't exactly know why... but it seems that most of the time, when i'm 'supposed' to be happy, i am not. like when pmr was over and done with, i realised there wasn't much joy in me either. heck, last year i even stayed at home during new year! (partially cuz i was sick) but well you know, they say there's always time for joy and time for cheer. guess it doesn't applies to me. or maybe, i had other thoughts in mind. bigger worries, more complicated problems. yes, much suckier than spm itself.

but don't get me wrong. i am looking forward to what's coming. christmas, catching up with friends, partying (i wish), new year, college, NS (yea yea -.- ) .... oh yea, someone is turning 18 soon too *winks* ah. i feel so old.

seriously, time flies. one moment ago we were 'innocent' young childish geeks who just step into the world of hoo-haa --> high school. and now, we're leaving it for a bigger hoo-haa, well you know, college. and i guess we can roughly guess how much more complicated things would be when we're finally in the corporate world. ironically as you ascend to a higher hierachi, there will be more fights, more back-stabbing, sacarscm thrown everywhere, and of course, more political.
ah well. it is still a long way to go. hope my life is long enough to experience it all (according to palm reading, there is something wrong with my life line, haha! )

anyway, today i fianlly got to meet up with my friends, and of course someone dear to me. it was supposed to be siew ying's farewell. at first i really thought she was migrating, but thank god she isn't! =D anyhow, a bunch of us met up in Loganhouse, Taipan for lunch. as you know food is kinda pricey there and i wanna save money for xmas and hong kong as well, so i decided to order fish n chips, and i shared it with carolyn. while others the usual lamb, steak, you know la and some ordered a few fresh oysters too.. and oh yeah, escargote! not so sure about the spelling, but it is snail la =D and before you start thinking it is all yucky and start imagining of how a snail looks like, it is NOTHING like those snails you see in your garden okay! these are french snails, if i'm not mistaken. and it actually taste quite good ;p ah well, i'm up for whacky food.

talking bout whacky food, kia vin and ryan decided to do the usual tradition whenever they dine at a restaurant. they'll mix everything they can get their hands on in a cup, dilute it with water and dare someone to drink it. and this time they managed to raise the stake by giving money to whoever who does. so when the price was around 20-25 i was thinking, well, what da heck i can buy reload with it. so i requested for 30 and ji yung and bhakti topped it up.

and so the money was on the desk, 3 red 10 ringgit notes. i was holding the cup, but everyone was like holding their camera and their handphone right at face waiting to take a shot at it. so i couldnt stop laughing. but yea, i did it anyway. the whole glass of it. drinking it wasn't that difficult, but after that you start feeling naucious haha! but oh well, i got my money ;)

curious of what they put inside? this was the recipe:

tobasco sauce
sweetened chili sauce
salt
pepper
some green seasoning (still don't know what is it)
few packets of sugar
few packets of creamer
ketchup
coffee
tea
a splash of lemon juice

that's all they could remember la. don't what else is inside it. now i know why is taste so sweet and salty and a lil spicy. kinda weird, but it is meant to be weird la. lol. and yeah, my stomach is fine, thank you =) and no, i did not have diarrhea, yet. hehe =) ah well, it was all fun. the food is okay. but the company, superb! gotta really catch up with as many people as i can, before we really had to part our own ways.

and yea, christmas is here! have i ever mentioned how i love christmas season? it never fails to bring a smile on my face, and i hope it is the same for this year. i really need to lighten up, after everything. sigh. and no, this year i WILL NOT be sick and i WILL NOT stay at home. haha!

2006-10-11T18:29:00.000+08:00

weee....!! am so glad it wasn't as bad as i expected...after all the anxiety + anticipation + worried nights + paranoia, 11th of Oct finally came and went =D this very special day is of course my S.O's birthday!!

just a few weeks ago i came up with this "ingenious" idea of baking a cake for him instead of buying one since Secret Recipe has been a norm especially during birthdays... but the problem is me getting out of the house and bake one....after consulting shaun and wai hou (cuz they know how to bake, and they bake well!), they agreed to help =)

well i ain't gonna elaborate on the whole baking cake session. i guess it is inevitable that there will some minute problems here and there. to sum it all up, those tiny hitches were:

- 10th of Oct (the eve of his bday) was made a public holiday. public holiday --> parents at home --> can't sneak out

- wai hou sent a last minute messaged saying his dad doesn't allow us to bake the cake at his house. suggested carolyn's house instead.

- called carolyn but unfortunately her mum doesn't allow either. suggested abby's place.

- called abby. was alright until she said she had to go out and celebrate sio sen's birthday which they had agreed upon earlier on. suggested shaun's crib.

- shaun's sister, Kimberly is having her finals now. parents would not want people to disrupt her studying.

- finally called Joshua out of sheer desperation. after much pleading and persuasion, i finally got a place! but his mum wasn't so happy about the last-minute-informing. sorry aunty!

- wai hou forgotten to pass us the mould. when i finally got it, shaun had to go. and i'm literally a noob in baking cakes.

- mum came and insisted that she was in a hurry. had to pack and leave with the cake not evenly spread out yet.

- turns out that mum decided to go to the hair salon. had to hold the unfinished cake while desperately thinking of where to get strawberries.- had a rough journey home while holding the unfinished cake when mum decided to take the more bumpier ride home.

- finally got back home and struggled to even out the cake. it is harder to smoothen it out now cuz the cake started to set already.

- spent the whole night taking the cake out of the fridge, grab a knife and try to smoothen the top again and again. i think i did this every half an hour for the whole night. cuz the top was seriously hideous! *sobs*

ah well.. seriously at times i felt so helpless where everything seems to be going wrong... i really thought the plan had to be canceled when i couldn't get a venue plus my mum was very very reluctant to send me there. but ah, it turns out fine all because i have great friends. namely,

Joshua, who was kind enough to lend me his kitchen although it was a last minute request.

Shaun, who helped to ferry the equipments from wai hou's house, and of course,
teaching me to bake!

Wai hou, who patiently endure all my fussiness and paranoia. He kept calling to make
sure everything is alright.

With that said, i proudly present to you, Lemon Chilled Cheese Cake:

haha told you it was a mess... gawd i was so worried and i doubted so much before letting him see the cake. haha! sorry la, first time baking. plus with all the nervous breakdowns here and there, er i guess this is the best i can do for now =p

2006-10-07T20:31:00.000+08:00

A few weeks ago I was browsing through various blogs in the internet…well somehow or another I actually enjoyed reading them, especially certain posts which are very intriguing indeed, despite whether I know the blogger personally or not. And recently I stumbled upon this blog, and one of its hottest post's title caught my eye…

"Losing my virginity"

I'm sure those three words caught your attention too. I mean, who wouldn't? Well rest assured that that post isn't some erotic sexual encounter experience of the writer, or pornography, for that matter. In fact, it is about the writer's opinion on when does a girl, or a woman loses her virginity.

As we all know, we live in a very judgmental society. Every little thing that we do, whether it is how we speak, or how we act, or how we dine, or even the tiniest deed that we do, naturally people around us will tend to judge and evaluate, and unknowingly categorizing us in different ranks of society. And sadly, we, who fall under the female category, often get the harshest criticisms most of the time.

All our lives we're considered as the weaker link, and so we spent all our lives proving otherwise. When we were young, we had to compete with the boys in sports to show that we are physically as capable as them. Then we had to make an extra effort to study hard just to prove that it is simply wrong when ancient civilization banned woman from getting education, since the level of our intelligence is on par with men. As we slowly begin our journey to adulthood, we have to constantly beware on how we carry ourselves to avoid from being regarded as a total slut or bitch. And as a teenager, I believe the most common dilemma we had to face is the ever controversial issue about a person's virginity.

Being brought up in a Chinese family, naturally my family tried their very best to instill various virtues inside me. I was also constantly reminded about the question on morality before making any decisions, or taking any actions. And just like any other religion, my faith always stresses on chastity, as well as the importance of keeping your warranty valid until you get married. So you can imagine how the word 'pre-marital sex' became a taboo for us all. But I simply don't understand what the fuss is about when one loses his or her virginity outside of the marital bed.

No, I'm not encouraging pre-marital sex in any way, nor have I done it. But I have to admit, being a hot-blooded teenager, my self-restraining ability was a very fine line indeed. I was very passionate about everything, especially when I first stepped into the world of puppy loves and relationships. I was eager and curious to experience everything, but holding back some because of my faith. But even if I did, does that make me a bad person, or any less good?

And ironically, our society is often biased, especially when it comes to sexual issues. If a young lad encountered sexual experience, he could get away easily simply because he is considered a hot-blooded, immature, not-knowing-what-he-was-doing teenager. But on the contrary, if it was a young girl, you can imagine the consequences she has to endure, not with her sexual partner, but all by herself. Pretty unfair huh? I suppose even with modern civilization, we can never get rid of the very much hated double standards.

Although I had never crossed that line, I know of certain people who actually did, and some of them are actually my friends. If you thought that they were boasting in glee and pride when they retell the incident, you're very wrong indeed. In fact, most people who had actually been there and done it, felt deeply remorseful for what had happened. And it was far from easy for them to open up, simply because they fear of being rejected by their families, friends, and the society. On the other hand, the guilt they have to go through is a long and lonely journey. But if only we could stop passing judgments unto other people, or labeling them unknowingly, the percentage of teen suicides or teenagers facing emotional breakdowns might decrease eventually. After all, who we are to judge them?

I personally believe that to have premarital sex or not is simply a choice. Albeit our eastern culture somehow prohibits it, it would not do any good if a person is simply holding back just because he/she is told off by a third party, rather than choosing to stay a virgin just because he/she wants to. Very often that person would most likely pursue it, because he/she is holding to other people's beliefs, not their own. But if they made the call themselves, their decision would be naturally their very own principal, which will be much harder to be shaken and challenged by other parties.

And for those gentlemen out there who want virgin brides, stop messing around with your current girlfriends. What's the point of sleeping with someone if you have no intention of continuing the relationship with them in future? Isn't it irresponsible to persuade one to sleep with you and marry another one just because she is a virgin?

As for those who keeps blaming their partner of why they didn't wait long enough, it wasn't because they did not love you, but simply because it is human nature that people make mistakes at time, especially during their adolescent times. Plus I personally believe that nobody should be penalized for what they did in the past, simply because the past is history and history are meant to be learnt from it.

I guess all I want to say is, if one really did lose his/her virginity, it does not make that person any less good. In the same way, even if one succeeded to keep theirs, it does not make them a more righteous person either. As for my case, I hope that I'll be the latter one =P

2006-08-23T20:35:00.000+08:00

have you ever been in a love-hate relationship with someone? I had. and still am. This very special person has the ability to drive me up the wall, causing me to hold dearly to my very last thread of sanity before I totally lose my mind. And yet, I simply can not bear the picture of how life would be like without her, or how I had to face the many obstacles of life in future without her guidance, or simply how to keep my life organized without her constant nagging.

Yes, that very special person is none other than my mother.

Being the youngest and only daughter, many assumed that I would be mummy's girl, the little brat of the family. Yeah, I don't deny that I got away most of time when I was small.. but when I started to grow up, I was constantly exposed to various obligations and take up numerous responsibilities as a sister, as a daughter. Very often, such situations will occur:

Me: why do I have to do this while my brothers don't have to?

Mum : because you're a girl. You have bigger responsibilities.

Double standards? Sexist? You might think so. I guess my parents are trying their very best to mould me to become a reasonably good housekeeper.. just in case in future, if my in-laws wishes to send me back home, they wouldn't use that as an excuse. Haha just kidding. But anyhow, the main idea is to instill some sense of responsibility inside me.

Since I'm the youngest and practically the only women besides my mum, naturally I was closer to her than to my father, comparatively. And of course, being the only daughter she had, the child she prayed hard that it would be a baby girl, she held me close to her heart too.

I used to remember how my friends used to comment how cool and forgiving she is, especially during that incident where I was suspended from school. Many also commented how supportive she was during the preparations for IU night: ferrying my friends and I to dance classes every week, countless visits to Holiday Villa Subang, guiding me as I typed the horrifying proposal letters to the Rotarians and other numerous letters. And I'm more than grateful for everything that she had done for me.

But I suppose when you love someone too much, sometimes you tend to be overprotective when it comes to their safety and welfare. you saw me when I was in tears and pain, and thus you try your very best to prevent me from getting hurt and keep me away from any possible sorrows that I might have to endure. But the initial good intentions could start to cloud your eyes, your thoughts and your rationality when that overprotectiveness starts to take control ...

I tried my very best to tolerate your ever-demanding needs, though unreasonable at times. But somehow or another, one day I just couldn't take it anymore ...

I remember it was one fine day when I decided to tell you who I'm seeing lately. I knew you hate people lying to you, and I never wanted to hide things from you. All along you were fine with the guys I've dated, so I thought it would be okay to spill the beans. But I was wrong, so wrong. Things got ugly since then, and never got better.

Sad to say my mum is a racist. She brought in the issues and complications of interracial relationships.. I understand her concerns, and being a debater I tried reasoning with her. I believe that I'm a fighter, I fight for what I think is right, and I fight for the people I love and cherish. I am not the type of person that runs and hide when parents became the main obstacle of a relationship, or gives up just simply because I'm threatened or interrogated. undeniably there are times where i'm too tired of being strong, where i felt emotionally and mentally drained, where i start to doubt should i continue to stand firm on my believes. but nevertheless, i'm glad i stood to my ground, and i stood tall..

I don't remember there's any way or method that I didn't use to convince you. But I clearly remember all the emotional torments that I had to go through. Your words stabbed right through my heart. and oh, how I've shed and teared, knowing that the person I love the most prays that the relationship would fail, knowing that I failed to get the blessing and support from you, knowing that there's no other person but you that was causing all my pain and miseries. Back then I knew, I hate you.

Ironically, one day while I was at KLIH in midst of the debate competition, I received your phone call. You told me you're going for an operation the next day. I was dumbstrucked. My tears flowed down my cheeks after we hung up, and various thoughts of losing you start to flood my mind. Even the slightest possibility of losing you shatters my soul, as my biggest fear of losing someone seems to be getting near.

I noticed we've drifted apart ever since that night. I never shared my thoughts and secrets with you anymore. And yes, I'm still in a love-hate relationship with you. But nevertheless, I pray that some day you would be able to open your eyes and see what I've been fighting for, and the bond that we once share would be complete again. And oh, I'd prayed for so many months, and I'll never stop praying till that day arrives.

Although it seems unlikely that you'll read this, but I just want to say,

Happy birthday, mum.

p/s: to my significant other, if you happen to read this, i just want to say how glad i am to have you. not many people would have stayed for me, considering what happened in the past. normally, guys would have left and find another. and for that, i love you more and more each day.

national service

2006-07-21T14:17:00.000+08:00

many are rejoicing in glee now.. feeling relieved that they were lucky enough to escaped from the execution, from the ruthless hands of the government who decided to increase the number of participants this year... while others are silently grieving inside, some even teared... as they kept on pondering how 'lucky' they are, to be selected among the millions... some start to fear what would it be like, some can't even bear the thought of going through it... some like me, are left speechless..

before it all happened...

8.57 pm, 20th July

i was watching tv when my phone suddenly rings.....

me : hello?

sam : anne! samantha here. faster give me your IC. number

me : what for lah?

sam : i just want to check something. faster give me la

me : (hesitates) check what first?

sam : aiyah. NS (national service) lah. see whether are you selected or not.

me : (jumps up from the sofa and rushed into the computer room) came out already meh?!?!

and so i quickly logged on to www.khidmatnegara.gov.my and went to the semakan online. saw Siri 4/2007 . my heart stopped for a second. quickly typed my IC number, and clicked..

No KP tidak dijumpai.

felt a little more relieved. and i remembered checking it twice, to make sure that there's not typing error or whatsoever. got back the same results. i was so paranoid that i even checked through sms again. and it was stated that i'm not selected as well.

glad that all the trauma and panic and paranoia is over, i went to bed.

21st July 2006.

11.05 pm

everybody was talking about the selection of candidates for national service. i proudly said that i'd checked and i wasn't selected. until after recess where the panic bomb was officially released. it seems that many others who checked yesterday and thought they succeed in escaping, eventually the 'semakan online' showed otherwise today.

my heart sanked a little. but everybody else was flooding the library ( they have internet access there) so i couldn't go in either. so i was in physics lab, being a goody girl for once, and studied my form 4 biology. i was alone at the moment. my groups of friends were swarming around the school. i wasn't bothered. until 15 minutes before school ends....

kiavin walks inside, and sat beside me....

kv : (looking very concern) you know already ar?

me: know what?

kv : the NS thing... you kena ya know.

i went speechless for a while. continue highlighting my biology notes. after 5 seconds, i just can't help it. i wanted to get out of class, go the library, and checked myself. but by the time i reached the library, the internet access was down.. -.-

so i walked back to class. along the way i found out that quite a number of people who already knew that i was selected. walked into the classroom, kwanyi and the rest were there. they are gave me the concern looks, pitiful eyesights, and they were quiet. i guess everybody knows that there's no suitable consolidation that you could offer in moments like this. it was purely random, pure luck.

after trying to laugh it off with my friends, i tried sms-ing to check again. once again, it replied and said no. i was absurd. wth. there's no way i can conclude it until i check it again once i got home.....and so i did....

and this is what i get.

"Tahniah anda telah dipilih untuk menyertai PLKN. Penempatan dan kumpulan akan ditentukan pada bulan November 2006. "

sigh. i guess it is meant to be. the suckiest part is not getting selected for the NS, but all the false alarms and false hope that i've went through. i went to school with a happy mind, and came back with a heavy heart...

but oh well, i'll make sure i will be ready by the time i have to go for national service. toughen up myself eh? ( am trying very hard to self-consolidate now)

and meanwhile, for those of you out there who thought you just barely miss the first batch... it seems that this IS the list of all the candidates, excluding the 150 voluntary ones. cuz from the way they put it : siri 1/2004, siri 2/2005, siri 3/2006 and siri 4/2007 , it clearly shows that this is actual list of candidates already. it is the 'kumpulan' that will be decide which batch will you be heading, and that will only be done in november. so, i guess congratulations to you all.

p/s : i'm secretly wondering did my parents actually voo-doo me over the night. ahah cuz initially they wanted me to go, and i wasn't selected. and a night past, and the results altered... right right right? =p

and on another note, any tips for public bathing? anyone?

what is love

2006-07-16T15:50:00.000+08:00

i was browsing my inbox the other day and what caught my eye was this email, about a survey that was conducted among toddlers, or young children for that matter. they were asked to describe what love means to them, or what love is. and i realised you don't have to be the next William Shakespeare to charm or impress one's heart. what amazes me was how simple yet meaningful their answers was. it is true that our mind is getting more and more complex, day by day that we tend to forget how simple things used to be.

a few of my favorites are these....

"When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn't bend over and paint her toenails anymore. So my grandfather does it for her all the time, even when his hands got arthritis too. That's love."

"Love is what makes you smile when you're tired."

Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip before giving it to him, to make sure the taste is OK."

"Love is what's in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening presents and listen."

"Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it everyday."

"Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still friends even after they know each other so well."

"You really shouldn't say 'I love you' unless you mean it. But if you mean it, you should say it a lot. People forget."

Simple words, simple gestures huh? I don't know what about you but it does mean a lot to me... =) ahaha don't mind me... im a sucker for romanticism... if there is ever such a word...

What is love to you?

2006-06-24T22:45:00.000+08:00

ain't it amusing how time flies? i still remember back in april where pn. joyce was asking me to join the debate team... the primary team members were zuhier, sunitha, jin tik and sara.. they were the district champions and were in the midst of preparation for the state level.. i was asked to help out for one of the topics cuz 2 debates will be carried out each day for the state level.... and it would be exhausting for them, mentally and physically if they have to take part in every single debate...

i hesitated for quite a while as the first day of debate clashes with our school's sports day....i was in a dilemma as i really want to attend the sports day to see my sayang competing, but on the other hand i didn't want to miss the opportunity of attaining another certificate as well.. but thankfully the debate was postponed a day later and so the debate team only left for sabak bernam after the event was over.

as our prayers were answered, we merged as state champions, beating Gombak at the finals... then we represented Selangor for the central zone - which consists of selangor, melaka, negeri sembilan and wilayah persekutuan. Defeated melaka in the finals, we moved on by representing central zone to the national level. 4 states managed to get into the finals - Selangor, Kedah, Johor and Sabah. meet up with johor in the finals, and... we lost...

Ah. The goodie bag is from JPS. Gave us some keropok, kuih, a calculator, pen and a tshirt.

Debators tag

Trophies. One is taller but made of plastic, the other is shorter but made of pewter. ehe(Left - Runner up for nationals. Right - Champions for states.)

yea... i admit it is still hard to accept the fact that we lost....but i guess it was our prayers to have led us this far in the first place...afterall, runner-up ain't that bad also right? right =p and yea, we did cried when we lost, including yours truly. not because we were sour losers, if we had won to a better team we would have keep our chins high up... but the fact is that there has been so many incidents that were biased and unjust... sigh. anyway, what is done, is done. judges' decision is final and there's simply nothing we can do to alter the outcome.

thus, i've decided to put aside the bitter memories, and try to recall the good ones =) it has been months that i've been a member of the debate team... though the others had been together since february, i was given the privilege to share the moments of joy, tears and laughter with them...

and just to list a few...

remember our road trip to sabak bernam? we couldn't use the highway and had to use the trunk roads instead. we screamed, yelled and laughed in pn phung's car, partially worried that we might get lost, and partially worried as we picture our resort will be all wooden huts with no electricity...hmm

remember how we had to dine with our fingers? jin tik had his first attempt of eating without proper cutleries. he looked as if he was stuffing his whole fist in his mouth. hehe

remember how we celebrated after we won states? we looked high and low for a decent restaurant with air-con and when we finally found it, we ordered soooooo much food that we could barely move... and of course, we were sooooo loud as well =D sigh what to do? we practically starved ourselves for the past few days...

remember those time we spent in Kuala Lumpur International Hotel? it is right at the heart of Chow Kit, surrounded by numerous 'motels' and 'hotels'. we kept looking out of our hotel window, staring hard at those 'hotels' to see is there any sign of 'action' going on...

remember the night before the central zone finals? we got fed up of practising and rehearsing our speeches and we decided to go down for a drink... we went down the hotel where there were stalls of colourful flip-flops and badges... we bargained soooo long and after we shopped, we headed for the nearby mamak for a cup of teh tarik instead... by the way, it was around 1-2am that time.. and of course, on our way back to hotel, we actually saw a number of prostitutes!! they were going to our hotel, and erm, one of them was pregnant.... but undeniably they're quite pretty.... not the yellow old hags we pictured initially. hehe

remember that time when jin tik tried to imitate zuhier to do the shuffling? he looked as if he was happily walking in the woods with a basket in his hand... since then, he is named - little red riding hood, chinese version ;)

remember how we used to dream of going to sabah and debate for nationals? sitting on an aeroplane and flying across the south china sea was our dream, as well as one of the random things that strives us to work harder... and then when we were told it might be in kedah, we consoled ourselves and said at least it will be a 5-6 hours of travelling... then we were told it might be in selangor, our heart sanked a little.. but still we comforted ourselves once again since sabak bernam left quite a good impression on us...so we thought some places like kuala selangor or hulu selangor should be okay as well... then they said it might be in shah alam.. swt, it's only about 15 min drive from subang... but it's okay....after taking a few deep breaths we accepted shah alam as well.... then they have to drop the bomb.... it is confirmed that it will be held in Summit Hotel, usj... we screamed, we yelled, we shouted, we cursed.. how could it be just across the street?!!?! T.T

remember the debate from St. John's? How astounded we were when he first introduced himself. Both zue and i heard him saying, 'cock fuck' ... ahaha both of us thought he was being rude and all....but later then only we knew it was kam fatt... but too bad for him, his name was terribly bad-mouthed by the four of us throughout the entire competition.... ahahha....

remember how we've decided to make a different impression when we check in the hotel for the nationals? we were tired of the usual - casual, down to earth appearance that we ALWAYS portray for the previous debate... so sunitha suggested to go formal this time. in the end, the guys were in white shirt, black slacks. the ladies were in black shirt, and a pencil-cut skirt. As Pn. Raja Aziah said, dress to kill! hehe

remember how tired we were when preparing for the finals during nationals? all of us were mentally drained and we've concluded that we need a break... and so we were suppose to take a nap and wake up 45 minutes later and continue practising... but instead, we slept right through cuz we were sooo tired and got the shock of our lives when we woke up around 4... and i still find it hard to believe that 3 of us managed to fit in a queen size bed and sleep..... ahaha

remember those tears that we shed when the Speaker said, 'the motion was accepted?' and how sweet and thoughtful our schoolmates was, as they gathered around us to comfort us and give us support? having tears streaming down our cheeks, the only thing we need is a shoulder to cry on, and of course, a warm bear hug. and thankfully, all of them were there to fulfil these needs.. no words can explain how heartwarming it is when someone hugged you when you seem like drowning inside, even though it's someone you barely know. even the teachers came to cheer us up. it is in moments like this that you realise how man can never, and should never live alone. 'am really really grateful for everything =)

remember how fast we picked up ourselves and decided to party the night away instead? we went to secret recipe for dinner, and pn joyce's husband and her son, Chris joined us as well.... as when our initial plan of watching tokyo drift was canceled, due to the fact that gsc summit got a warning letter and since then they have been pretty strict with underage teenagers, we watched 16 blocks instead, since pn joyce and her husband strongly recommended it.. and when we finally came out of the cinemas, we couldn't stop cursing and complaining how boring the movie was... partially because someone slept halfway and didn't understand the whole plot. haha. but when we return to our room, we couldn't help but discussing the movie from top to toe as if it just won an oscar... typical eh?

remember that time when we wanted to check out Bar One at Summit Hotel? we decided to take a look since it was our last night and the guys have been critizing how fat the ladies from a particular band looked everytime we entered the lift and saw their poster... and when we finally push the door of Bar One, all we saw was that band, with the same ladies that we saw in the posters singing at the other end, and a few middle-age fat man smoking and swinging their arms in the air, showing how much they enjoy the music. or was it simply cheap trill? haha. i can never forget how awkward that situation was as we stood at the door for a whole minute staring hard inside the bar, and how stunned the performers and those men looked when they saw us. argh, desperate old man, i called them. and my whole body smelled like cigarette smoke after that. swt.

that's all i can recall for now.... we've experience so much through this past few months that i can't simply put everything into words.... these are just a few out of the hundreds of sweet memories that we once shared... and now that debate is finally over, we realised that these memories will soon be placed behind our minds, as we have a greater challenge ahead... we can never turn back time, nor stop the clock from ticking, but we know, these memories can never be faded through time...

2006-06-01T16:07:00.000+08:00

in the midst of our busy lifestyle to prepare for the SPM examinations, or even your very own daily routines, have you ever take some time off and stop what you're doing, and wonder how's your life been so far?

when was the last time you spent some quality time with your friends and family?

how often do you say 'thank you' or 'thanks for being there' to your friends?

or maybe you've take them for granted, as you always have?

stress and problems can never be utterly removed from a student's life.. especially with the 'teenage-crisis', we teenagers are often exposed to pressure and stress from parents, studies, friends and of course, boy-girl relationship. all the tears..the heart-aches..our friends were always there to be with us...when times are good, and when times are bad...

thus, i just want to take this opportunity to express my heartfelt gratitue to all my friends out there =) and there's a few special ones that i would like to make a highlight on....

first of all...

my dearest sayang...

albeit it's only recently (since the beginning of this year) that i've got to know you better, as a friend; and it's only a couple of months that we've been together, you've made such a difference in my life. not only you've enabled me to love once more, but the affection and care that you've shown upon me can never be stringed into words. sayang, i know we've had some obstacles but like i've said, i'll walk down the road with you, hand in hand. and i'll always cherish the times we've spent together, because i'll always love you.

p/s: happy anniversary dear.

and then we have...

Samantha

darling, it has been 5 years since the first time we met each other back in form 1. and i'm glad to say you've changed, for the better =) hehe i still remember back in those days you used to be an 'aunty' who will hit the malls with nothing but t-shirts, shorts and flip flops. but look who is wearing stilletoes now eh? =P well, you've seen me in my gloomiest, darkest days...and so have i seen yours too. i really appreciate that you've been there...you've always been there =) i'm looking forward to the future where we'll look back and laugh at our childhood memories. then i can show your children (if you have any) those pics where your face was all round and fleshy. haha!

Carolyn

hehe you'll kill me for putting this picture of yours in the world wide web, wont you? =P well this poor girl here was stucked with me when all of us headed for form 4 and was literally forced to be seperated into different classes due to streaming. i remember i used to tortured her with my nonsense, mentally and erm, physically... eh wait, i still do. haha i have no idea why my 'lil-fox seducing skills' were only experimented on her. tee he he. well that's what friends are for right? :p putting aside that, you've always been a great listener, and your advices are usually 'applicable'.. being the smartest one among us, thanks for all the last minute tips , as well as those times when you were literally forced to fulfil my 'desperate' needs. you know i love you, right right?

moving on, we have...

Abby! (Ebi) my sushi-mate! my shopping partner! the whackiest (or weirdest?) among us! girl, i've known you since primary, where you use to have short hair, so short that it barely touch your collar.. and look who has the silkiest hair now? sigh i'm still very very jealous of your hair. hmmph! i still remember those times where we have our crazy 'adventures' of shopping, embaressing ourselves in public malls, laughing our heads off right in the middle of the walkway where people keep staring at us like a bunch of whackos, and yea, i remember i will always spend ALOT whenever i go out with abby. you're suppose to stop me! haha. well, i really enjoyed your company. just hope that after high school we wont lose touch ya? *winks*

and of course, my primary besties...

Yong Mei & Ming Chu

time really flies huh? in a blink of an eye we've left lick hung for 5 years already, and we're graduating from high school this year! remember back in those days where we had to stay back for extra classes, the four of us (including li yun) will be sitting on the floor at the open-hall eating lunch boxes that our mums packed for us? and after we left primary, we vowed to keep in touch (and still do) no matter how far apart are we =) though we're all in different schools now, but we've managed to keep our friendship alive and strong. Both of you were always supporting me in whatever i do, whatever decisions i made. so, thanks once again c")

and as the list goes on....

The Council - (Josh, Izzera, Kia Vin and Ryan)

how can i forget you guys? =P the loudest, the noisest, the naughiest but nevertheless the most helpful dudes in my class. man, 4 damai would have been literally dead without the four of you. not only you've guys had given me the best bday last year, but you've also given me a helping hand at times when i'm in need the most. ( you know what i mean) really appreciate it guys.

and some that i've got to know better this year...

Han Joe

surprised to see your name? hehe. since i'm the youngest in my family, you're probably the only younger sibling i have, though it's not in the bloodline. but who cares about it anyway? i was given the priviledge to guide you, teach you, and take care of you for that matter, just as an actual elder sister would. i'm happy that you've always been open to me, sharing your deepest secret, your thoughts, and of course, your perception of life itself, though you yourself have no idea why you kept spilling it all to me. like you said, maybe we were sibling in the past eh? ^^

and last but certainly not least...

Shen Yee aka big wolf

thought i've forgotten about you eh? how could i? you're the big bad wolf who thirsts and lusts for his prey all the time! haha. man, being 8 years older than me, you're really like a big bro to me already. i know, i know, i'm always the small little girl in your eyes. which is why you should take me to ikea and swenson more often! =p since both of us are one of a kind, in a way, our conversations are ever so 'colourful', for that matter. from serious religious talk to comparing sizes of *ahem ahem*. hahaha! i'm just glad that i've joined that dance class last time, or else i would not have met and know you. thanks for all the phone calls and the advices that you've given to me when i really need a pat on a back, or simply some reassurance. don't forget to invite me to your wedding ar ^^

as for those of you out there that i've did not mention, or might have left out, i just wanna say thank you.

thank you for being there for me

thank you for your support, love and care

thank you for being a friend =)

remember, anne *hearts* you!

2006-05-27T00:12:00.000+08:00

today was the annual teacher's day celebration, as well as the last day of schooling before the mid-term holidays start... for the teacher's day the interact club was supposed to give something to the teachers... and i'm just glad that we managed to finish all 120 'tissue flowers' =D

well, when the school ends we had the interview session for the interact BOD 2006/2007.. sad to say only 4 directors were present... but i suppose u just gotta do what u gotta do... and so we carried on the interview though less than half the bod turned out...

anyway, the interview was alright...lol... i guessed i've talked more than i used to, well more than last year's interview hehe.. maybe because this year i was working very closely with the assistants and therefore i got to know them better ^^

later in the night i was chatting with han joe how the interview went and all... lol i was curious on what he has to say... well he claimed that he was virtually raped...and it seems the questions were damn tough wor =p so i asked who gave the toughest question, and this was what he replied:

Joe: The couple lah!

Joe: The sweet loving couple

Joe: should've saw that coming

Joe: now that they're together, they will be more powerful than ever

Me : -.- dun la say like dat

Joe: yeah what...

Joe: you two were bad enough when single

Joe: bad as in.....strict lah

Joe: now you two are unified

Joe: oh my god

Joe: who knows what peril you can unleash to the world?

i was literally laughing my heads off when he said that.. sorry joe, couldn't help it but save this conversation in my blog =P haha

2006-05-25T22:21:00.000+08:00

Well, i came across this website that shows the hidden meaning behind names... i'm always curious with mine, so i typed 'anne-marie', and this is what i got...

Expanding
Power
Mastery
Money
Materialism
Success
Abundance
The Boss
Authority
Vision
Organization
Recognition
Achievement
Leadership
Business
Good judgment

of all the above, which do you agree that is true? just curious though. ^^

2006-05-14T15:07:00.000+08:00

I AM: complicated with a touch of simplicity, open-minded yet with some conservative values.. haha see how it contradicts?

I WANT: spm to be over as soon as possible

I WISH: everything to work out between me n him

I HATE: lies, unfulfilled promises, false hopes, and last but certainly not least disappointment

I MISS: him. enough said. haih.

I HEAR: bon jovi - all about loving you. got addicted to it after watching the MV

I WONDER: how can i stop procrastinating in my studies T.T

I REGRET: telling my mum some stuff

I AM NOT: happy now. pms-ing. get it?

I DANCE: like a freaking slut.

I SING: when no one is listening

I CRY: way too often recently.

I AM NOT ALWAYS: as cheerful as i want myself to be

I MAKE WITH MY HANDS: nothing that i can recall for the moment

I WRITE: whenever i feel like writing

I CONFUSE: myself.

I NEED: more time ( to study n finish my syllabus for spm)
acceptance ( from my mum )
love ( to keep pms away. haha )

I SHOULD: start studying now. what am i doing here?

I START: to realize i am indeed a tempremental person.

I FINISH: whining now and should start studying. sigh

I TAG: careless angel, jo, kwanyi and joe

2006-05-08T16:55:00.000+08:00

man..it's been ages since i last posted...wahaha recently my world revolves around debate and exam.. damn sad right?

speaking of which...today was the first day of exam for me...though the rest started last week, but i was away for debate finals in kl..so i had to resit the bm paper in the afternoon...

i was very worried for my literature...since i've not been doing any literature homework for the pass 2 months (hey not my fault k, teacher was away on maternity leave -.- ) and worse still, the other debaters: jintik, sunitha and zuhier, all 3 of them knew what was coming out for the bm literature.. though they dunno what question was asked, but they know exactly is coming out though...and i stupidly refused.. -.- yea yea yea seems like honesty = stupidity = me =(

so how did the paper go? actually it was OKAY....despite the fact that i really din know what to expect, but hey, that's what exam is all about right? so i did my usual routine in answering bm II, skip rumusan and head straight to the pemahaman first...and i wrote and wrote and wrote... some questions were kinda tough, or weird in that sense...yet i tried my best to answer, bullshiting all the way through...until pn malar left bilik HEM, where the 4 of us start to talk again... at first it was the usual conversation...like which question are u doing now..blablabla then zue said he's slower than all of us cuz he din know there's a few questions in the pemahaman that got correction...i was like, pemahaman got correction meh??! i flipped to the last page, saw the 2 questions that i answered earlier was completely replaced with another 2...

dang, shit, argh.. haha i'm always worried that i dun have enough time...plus i spent alot of time answering pemahaman questions...though the questions is like 3 marks each but ya know, the more you write, the higher chances of you scoring....stupid me... -.-

in the end, THANK GOD i just had enough time to finish the whole set of paper... usually i will use up all 2 and a 1/4 hour to finish the whole set...but today i had to add 2 additional questions to answer.. argh, blame it all on stupidity

anyway...got a lovely surprise today...i was about to start my bm paper in bilik hem and pn joyce was there wishing us good luck and all...and just before she left, she put this on my hand..

a rose quartz crystal bracelet...for love! bay-beh ;)

on the other hand, sunitha got the one that is a combination of rose quartz, amethyst and clear quartz... the colour is pink-purple-colourless for those of you who dunno ;p and jintik and zuhier each got a tiger-eye bracelet... pn joyce said this is the only way we can remember her can keep her close to our heart... aww, damn sweet right?

surprises are always a treat... especially when it is totally unexpected =)

2006-04-22T00:06:00.000+08:00

i wish i could find out whats troubling me these days...sigh...

maybe you could tell me?

2006-04-04T16:52:00.000+08:00

it really made me think hard whether should i post this post or not... i couldn't stop thinking the consequences that may follow, or the reaction that the public has to offer, since this is considered as a 'personal' issue... worst of all, i don't know what would you be thinking about this, dear.

nevertheless, i feel it is necessary to write down how i feel currently, and how i've felt for the past few days, weeks, and months...

it's been more than a year since i've truly felt for someone... since the day i discovered he has been cheating on me, i was so distraught till the scar that was left upon me was so deep... so deep that it causes me fear, hesitancy, and doubt whenever it comes to relationships... yes, i was emotionally hurt and torn apart... and the only thing that i recall from those days is nothing but tearing... tearing silently inside my heart whenever my parents are there, sobbing and weeping behind locked doors, crying softly to sleep with my hands clutched tightly to my blanket...

i was a bitter person back then... though i slowly picked up myself and moved on, the memories of the past still haunt me like a shadow... a dark shadow that i could never leave behind... i was back to the same old anne-marie... just that a tiny part of me was missing, that's all... i thought that tiny part wasn't important... till i realized that missing part of me caused me unable to love anymore... it frustrates me whenever i tried forcing myself to like someone, yet failed in the end... it seemed that i turned into a cold, stone-hearted person, and i truly dispise that... those days i used to wonder, is there something wrong with me? why i can't i fall in love with someone anymore?

i had the same old question in my head for the entire year... but that was before i met you =) we've known each other just by our very own exsistence for 5 years and nothing more, nothing less. for the past couple of years, all we know about each other is practically just our names. yet, as if fate had it all well-arranged, we're finally given a chance to know each other better, to work together, to fight, to argue, to laugh... basically, just being together c")

i've to admit that it wasn't hard for me to like you... in fact, the feeling came in naturally to me... without me realizing it, i was falling for you already... day after day, the feeling gets deeper... there were many times that i told myself to get over you, that this is just another silly crush.... yet, that special feeling i had for you still lingers, and refused to leave, nor change...

so...what can i do? i chose to kept it all inside.... i was very careful whenever i spoke to you, or be with you... fearing that i might leaked out some emotions or signs that may reveal my little secret... fearing that if you found out about how i feel, then the friendship we once shared will never be the same as it was before... fearing, that when you tell me that you only treat me as a friend, and purely as friend, my heart will start to tear and bleed again...

that's why when you guessed that i like you, i was stunned... me muttering 'eewww' when u made that statement was just part of my defensive mode... i was worried then.... did someone told him? or did he realize it himself? did i do or say something that indirectly revealed who i was head over heels with? just when all these questions were flying across my mind, you told me you like me... the surprise got worse, i was speechless, my mind totally went blank... it took me about a minute to fully digest what you've just said, and another 5 minutes to believe that it's true... i know i don't look that good that time, with my face being all white and pale... but i just want you to know, that was the sweetest thing i've heard for the past 16 months =)

and now that we're finally together, it is like a beginning of a new chapter in our lives.... though i know that the path that we are yet to take with me will be narrow and winding, with all its ups and downs, i know you will always be there to lift me up whenever i stumble and fall... and i also want you to know that i'll be always holding your hand, being beside you throughout this entire journey... though both of us are uncertain where this road will lead us, but i'm certain that i'm truly happy that i have you in this journey... and regardless of where will i be in the end, i'll still be grateful that i've found you...

i know i've never really said it... but i want you to know that,

i'll always love you

2006-03-23T17:57:00.000+08:00

since school started this week, i'm forced to get back to my usual schedule..mind you, it's a boring, dull, repetitive schedule...*sigh*...i'm constantly reminded that Iu is over, itz history.... *double sigh* although i clearly know that i should be in the study mode, just like everyone else that starts to frut and fuss about spm and all....but i'm still pretty much slacking...onlining as usual... though i did my homeworks and 'some' revisions, i still think im not doing enough..and this is NOT GOOD! aikz...

well, i've nothing better to do now..so here's 5 random things about me =)

1. i'm freaking lazy. master of procrastination
2. my temper tends to me tempremental. although i'm 'nice' *cough cough* most of the time....haha...right? =p
3. am a glutton. at times. but only when im at home. sigh
4. hates to do anything alone. needs company all the time.
5. adores white flowers

2006-03-19T00:51:00.000+08:00

Well, this is the first time i've inserted pictures in this blog. Oh well, here are some pictures from the 10th International Understanding Night!! =D

Firstly, a few snapshots from our first drama - Demystifying Dracula.

Exploitation of the merchants and boyars.
Han Joe ( the peasant) and Melanie ( his wife )

Terrorized girls pleading for help.

And another few shoots with my board of directors, both past and present. =)

My dear ex-vice president Shaun Liew =)

Kishok, the president and me, the Organizing Chairperson at the 10th IU Night!

haha it ain't much cuz blogger is lagging tonight. and i've to add the pictures one by one. oh well, not bad for a first try huh? =p

10th international understanding night!

2006-03-12T15:12:00.000+08:00

haha...since almost everyone is talking bout the IU i suppose it is only fair that i blog about it too... since i'm the so-call organizing chairperson? =)

note : long post ahead. skip this cuz it'z gonna be boring

well, it has been months since i started planning for the Interact Club's 10th IU... at first, the very first dilemma i faced was what theme should i choose? what country to promote itz culture? i had france in my mind...but later a word flashed across my mind - transylvania. yes, thats the word. if u take notice, we often hear or see this word literally everywhere, especially from the movies like dracula. after discussing with the BOD, we've decided to feature Transylvania, a land of myth and darkness.

next, the venue for this event is our no1 question mark. we could never finalized the venue as the options available are very very limited. you see, the Rotarians doesn't allow we Interactors to have our IU outside school. the furthest we can go is maybe college hall or auditoriums. back then, SEGi college is still underconstruction. i actually had high hopes on SEGi to have the IU cuz if they have a hall, it would be sparkling new. sadly, after weeks and months of phone calls to colleges, it seemed that none is approriate. taylors is too small, SEGi is hopeless, sunway is kinda rundown. we're literally left with nothing.

since then, i was so desperate for a venue cuz we planned to have it on the 11th of March and the day is drawing near. just then, my mother n bro suggested that i opt for the hotel instead. i was like, errr..big NONO from the Rotarians? nonetheless, itz our only chance though the chance of having it at the hotel is 0.001%, since my past BOD had been trying to ask for permission for 2 years. so when my BOD agreed to go for hotel, it is the teachers and rotarians we have to convince. lol. trust me, it wasn't easy. the first person to approach is our principal, then our senior co-curriculum assitant, followed by our teacher advisor and the Rotarian advisor. kishok and i rushed through the paper works that the Rotarian requested. and those paper works are not the ordinary paper work u see daily. it's mainly made up of budget schemes, proposal of IU projects other than the IU Night, allocation of surplus, list of invited guests, security measures, tentative program, and permission letters from the Principal and teacher advisor. by the way, i typed the Principal's letter and she just signed it. and on the Night where Mr. Mani Raja went for the Rotarian meeting, man...i couldn't eat my dinner properly. i think the same thing goes for Kishok. My stomach was flipping almost every second. in my mind, i kept thinking, what if..? what if...? if it's a no, what should i do? and alas, the moment of truth finally arrived. we managed to get the approval. and for those of you out there who think this is no big deal, let me clarify this is the very first time the Interact Club get to organize their IU in a hotel, and it's a night function, in about 2-3 years?

so we got the venue. and we've chose Classic Ballroom, Holiday Villa Subang. Now the problem is mainly covering the cost and expenses. sadly, we couldn't get that much of advertisement space sales from the colleges and universities, since all of them are opting for school's yearbook. devasted i was. every single night, i couldnt sleep thinking about IU, IU and IU. dreading each and every day as the event draws near. all my friends told me i look bad, as in real bad. i stopped smiling, my anger is tempremental, stress is pilling up, aid received is limited, we're all progressing very slow. worst of all, pimples are popping all over my face =p i even get ulcers in my mouth, stress ulsers mind you. get the picture? haha

did i ever broke down into tears during the preparation of IU? the answer is yes, i did. that time pressure and stress is piling up on me, and we still couldnt get a venue. and the worst part is Pn Zaleha didnt to school so the administrator's meeting couldn't be carry out. no meeting = no permission. and i just want to clarify that tearing is the best way to release stress. i could think and work more efficiently after that.

and then comes the performance. you see, the problem is, i'm literally invovled in every single performance that the Interact Club is presenting - 2 dramas, and a presentation on vampires. i had to write the script, direct it, and for one of the dramas, i even had to act in it. i had to be there for every single practise, and it frustrates me when sometimes you put in so much effort while other people don't see the importance in perfecting it. no, i don't mean perfecting it, i only opt for completing the performances. meanwhile, i'm calling like 20 companies today to sell our advertisement space. how can i be in school practising while making phone calls at home?

as for how the IU Night actually went. i think all of you out there can read from other people's blog, or get the feedback for those who actually went. we got a better and bigger ballroom at the last minute. so i'm just glad we mananged to pull it through.

i'm so proud of what we achieved yesterday night, especially the sketches and dramas!

i'm so grateful that my friends and classmates are so supportive with what i do, helping me out whenever they could. backing me up whenever i need them.

i'm also thankful that the ex-BOD actually placed their trust upon me to organize this event.

i'm lucky to have all my board of directors and assitant board of directors to believe in me, and be so patient with me.

now that IU is over, i'm kinda sad and depressed. the moments and memories we shared and experienced as directors, Interactors, friends, willl be embedded in my mind, my heart till eternity. i miss the times where we have to stay back from drama practise, going for dance lessons, kutuk-ing n kacau-ing kishok along with brenda, starving for hours without food.... sigh, though the process is painful and agonizing, but somehow, i start to miss them now.... =(

all i can say is, i couldnt have done this without u guys!! love ya all!!!!

lesson learned : do not change your answers after you wrote them

2006-02-24T22:52:00.000+08:00

iishhh...so geram at myself....haha...got back a few papers today..history and biology was okay...physics was, not what i expected!! didn't got as high as i expect it to be....and later when i browsed through my paper...i found out why....

first and foremost, i used the WRONG formulas...actually i can differentiate the 3 different hukum gas quite well, and of course i know the formulas...but God knows what the hell im doing during exam, when the question stated temperature, i used isipadu...(formula wrong)...den there's one where i applied the wrong formula, unknowingly T.T

then..i got another 3 questions, that i wrote the answers...then towards the end of the exam, i followed my instinct and changed them....in the end, the previous 3 was correct....*God help me!*

haihz...5 questions...mutiplty it by 2...10 marks...i could've got a change to get A1 =(

anyway..today im in a better mood...at least =) got a pleasant surprise from some1...got gifts for me! and well, the exhibition wasn't that bad as i expected...

love story

2006-02-23T17:15:00.000+08:00

arggghhhhh.....monthly test is finally history for me...damn...some subjects were like, TOUGH man...when you read the questions u can go O.O den T.T ....hahaha oh well, at least itz over! =D

Where do I begin to tell the story
Of how great a love can be
The sweet love story that is older than the sea
The simple truth about the love she brings to me
Where do I start
With her first hello
She gave new meaning to this empty world of mine
They'll never be another love another time
She came into my life and made the living fine
She fills my heart
She fills my heart with very special things
Angel songs and wild imaginings
She fill my soul with so much love
That any where I go I'm never lonely
With her around who could be lonelyI reach for her hand
She's always there
How long does it last
Can love be measured by the hours in a day
I have no answers now
But this much I can sayI know
I'll need her until the stars all burn away
And she'll be thereHow long does it last
Can love be measured by the hours in a day
I have no answers now
But this much I can say
I know I'll need her until the stars all burn away
And she'll be there

currently i'm hooked up on this song...partially because i'm dancing this song on IU..wahaha

2006-02-09T22:29:00.000+08:00

i've...
talked less...
ate less...
slept less...
smiled less...
loved less...

oh dear, what have i become?

2006-02-09T22:00:00.000+08:00

alright...i haven't been seriously blogging for quite some time =p

well, what can i say? so far the preparations for IU is er...okay...things are getting better than last time...looks like the other day when i was so stressed up and pissed off till i cried at school, was kinda worth it? ( note crying is the best way to release stress for me ) lol. cuz since that day, everything that seems so bad at first, turn out to be better, and better. Furthermore, i could sit down and analyze my strategies properly after i cried. weird huh? crying sloved my mental and emotional conflicts, especially stress T.T

anyway putting that aside, school has been very very busy for me. i think the same goes for everyone-lah. since the first day of school, all the teachers did was loading us with homeworks, projects, datelines and activities. man, this is only February, second month of the year! Imagine how would the rest of the year turn out to be...

2006-02-05T22:55:00.000+08:00

there is only one sentence that can perfectly explain what i'm going through now : busy with IU

sigh. wish me lotsa luck in it man.

good bye 2005! i'm gonna miss u sho sho muchie..

2005-12-31T14:45:00.000+08:00

good bye 2005! i'm gonna miss u sho sho muchie..

it's the end of 2005, the long-awaited new year's eve..i guess every local is still in a festive mood, especially when xmas was just a week ago..and not forgetting the jolly happy faces of folks as they wait to welcome the arrival of 2006...a new year, a fresh start for everyone who dreaded through the past 12 months, a chance to make the coming year better and more fruitful than the previous one......

i suppose everyone must be indulging in the party atmosphere...as we all know, when the clock strikes 12 tonight, fireworks would spark in the air, locals wishing each other "Happy New Year!" , parties and celebrations are literally everywhere...what about me? hmm....i suppose tonight i'll be sitting infront of the laptop, coughing while desperately waiting someone who is not out 'there' for the new year celebration, to come online and rot with me? haha pathetic as it seems, but i'm unlikely to go out tonight... *sobs*

yea yea it really sucks being sick at this moment...however i'm not that certain myself if i, minus the coughing and flu, would still want to head somewhere and join the celebrations together with the others.... recently i realise i've changed into a different person..but i'm still not sure whether it is for the better or worse....anyway, as you all know, the old me is extremely talkative, loud, a lil insane at times, and of course, I LOVE PARTIES AND CELEBRATIONS, and not forgetting, SHOPPING TOO! wait a minute, should i rephrase and say, i used to love those instead? heck! i don't even know what i enjoy doing anymore now!

it's really true that you tend to get bored of things when you started off too early practising those acts...haha...for instance, i got myself into pornography at a very young age, mind you..not because i was horny ( too young hormones not working haha) but plainly out of curiosity..as they say, curiosity kills haha..however, when puberty sprouts and everyone else (especially guys haha) were head over heels over it, i was pretty much bored of it by then...=p

another good example would be my past relationships with my boyfriends, or should i say my ex-boyfriends.. the first bf i had was when i was in form2, and that same year itself i met my 2nd bf..okay okay i'm not gonna repeat the whole history again, but my point is as i'm stepping into form 5, i don't have the urge ( that i used to have for the past few year) to dive into another relationship anymore...talking of which, i have been a good girl for the entire year =p yes, i admit that the feeling of witnessing other couples getting intimate is ever-so-bitter but hey, every single person does right? honestly, i've considered saying 'yes' and get myself a bf, in which i can stalk everyday ( haha jkjk), sweet talk occasionally, get intimate with, and the list goes on...but ahem, if you think twice about it, you're actually falling in love with love, not your partner! or even worse, you're actually did an act out of desperation to get rid of loneliness, or maybe due to peer-pressure...

as for the case of why i lost interest in shopping and partying, i really hope it is due to the fact that i'm sick now, and maybe even pms-ing...haha damn i haven't dance for months and now i seriously doubt whether i still have the groove in me...sigh

oh wait wait, for those of you out there thinking anne-marie is turning lesbian, please reconsider before jumping into that conclusion...hehe how can a lil fox like me lost interest in men? even if i do, the first person that should start getting worried is my bestie, samantha =p anyway my point is, i think puppy love /crushes are over for me now, hopefully... hmm.....=)

oh yea,
HAPPY NEW YEAR!

i'm dreaming of a white christmas...

2005-12-21T00:43:00.000+08:00

i'm dreaming of a white christmas...

sigh..time flies...holidays are coming to an end pretty soon... before i realise it, i'm already a form 5 student..my last year as a secondary student, not forgetting the dreadful SPM examinations. aih

anyways..just a few updates of what i've been up to lately...well beijing trip was great...chilly weather there...but unfortunately it wasn't snowing =( i thought i would do lots n lots of shopping but apparently i couldnt get everything in my shopping list due to time constrains...haha

oh yea...my violin examination result finally came out...it wasn't what i expected, AT ALL... i thought i was just plainly okay in the exam room...my violin teacher said my 1st piece's intonation sounded a lil off...and i know scales and sight-reading was awful as i think it would be...what do you expect? grade 8 mar... =p but when my teacher said i passed, and i got 85/100 ...i was speechless...you see my brain was proccessing very slowly haha in my mind i was thinking, 85 should be distinction right? and yeap! it is, right on the dot =p hahaha and surprisingly all that my examiner wrote was good comments, nothing regarding out of tune, bad performance or such...i guess he is really being nice, or plain being lenient... no matter what, the sweet taste of joy could have never been better *tee he he*

today i went to the romania embassy in kl...gosh the man i spoke through phone calls was really really much younger than i expected... what i had in mind was an older man ( okay okay much older haha) , maybe half bald? and yea, some beard or facial hair on his face...lol but surprisingly he got a pretty clean cut face... now that i realise it, it is so embaressing cuz i thought he was the embassador himself...but when he gave me his name card, it was written there 'first secretary, deputy head of mission' ...well from what my mother told me, it's ranking is quite high too... later i found out that first secretary is directly under the embassador...like the second in command...so hmm... can la can la =)

now...well i have approximately 2 weeks to decide and think about what should i pursue after my grade 8 violin... go for performance level? or take the risk by skipping it and jump to ATCL instead...argh what if i can't do THAT well?

anyway...christmas season is here...i hope it would be a good one this year =) to anyone of you out there who is reading this,

Merry Christmas!

one done....one more to go....

2005-11-14T00:04:00.000+08:00

one done....one more to go....

sigh..yeap yeap holiday is here but i'm busy as ever...or worst, busier than before...after my school's final examination, i still have two more major examinations to go....yeap yeap my gymrama grade 5 ( the last grading u have to sit for gymrama) and my violin grade 8...argh sucks huh?

well well well....i sat for my gymrama exams today...after two weeks of intensive training ( everyday 2 hours) i pretty had much bruises, especially blue-blacks on my backs, ankle and muscle pain around my legs haha...last night had a tough time sleeping...hopefully this would be my last grading for i doubt my body can tolerate any longer...and gods knows that's my limit...

so how was the grading? haha itz pretty much disastrous...not was i expected... hmm....well u see my partner n i, yanis were the first grade 5 to walk into the carpet for our hoop event...both of us thought we were alright, better than usual, caught all our catches....meh...result came out? FAIL
later followed by our rope routine...surprisingly i caught everything...again... even the last killer throw...so did yanis...haha FAIL again...by this time, i was like ' urgh whatever...i wanna get done with this and leave my body to rest and heal for eternity" haha i wished =p

but later on it seems i wasn't the only one who was deeply unsatisfied with the judges marking...by the way both my judges are from the MSSS council, and i heard they used to judge MSSM also...so u can pretty much guess what's their expectation and so-called standards....but the problem sips in when another fellow grade 4 who drops her equipment several times, yet she passed..or worst got a medal...on the contrary other fellow grade 5s ( like me...haha bleh) who DID not drop anything....or commit any severe mistakes.....yet FAIL LIKE SHIT....haha and it turns out that this problem doesn't happen once or twice...but pretty frequent...sigh...hello? can we have some fair judgement n consistency from the judges please??

haha we can hear mothers complaining here and there...saying " how could XX passed/get a medal?!?! she dropped so many times and my ZZ did no mistakes at all....."

sigh....i can pretty much understand how badly XX must have felt today...why? for i was once in her shoes, once upon a time...it sucks when people think you don't deserve to get what u achieved...during that time my case was slightly different....haha the judges are damn strict as usual....the wasn't about how me, or other girls performed...later did i find out that all along those 'mothers' pretty much thought i was the weaker one, or the sub-standard one..or the pretty much cacated one..compared to her oh so wonderful daughter, which in her mind is soo 'good and flawless'.... argh...politics in gymrama?

anyway..i think u can pretty much guess that i flunked everything today...lol surprisingly i wasn't as sad or depressed as i thought i would be....i think my mum is pretty much satisfied with my overall performance...and well the results, that can't be help right? that's the judge's call, not my coach, nor my parents...certainly not mine....

and oh...side effects of gymrama? well im suffering SEVERE backaches...lol actually i got that during the extra gym training i had over the past 2 weeks... and today i get to experienced it once and for all...haha which is worse this time...literally i can't bend my back, as in hunching it you know? lol now my body posture is always in the arching mode, damn upright until it is pushing your stomach forward...hahaha and now i feel like an old granny...or a pregnant women? lol seriously i need to get a doc soon...

hehe by the way, tomorrow i'm starting my chemistry crash course! im pretty much erm, worried/excited since i don't know what is it like to study with a group of people, minus the uniforms of course...haha i know i know...damn jakun =P well, i never had tuitions before..so.. *sigh*

I wish

2005-10-11T12:26:00.000+08:00

I wish

I wish..
that someday,
I will meet you.
regardless of how long it will last,
or how agonizing it will be when it ends,
I will still be grateful that I met you.

I wish,
that someday,
I would be embraced in your arms,
showered with your unconditional love,
and you,
whispering sweet words of comfort,
kissing me softly with your tender lips,
as i fall asleep in your strong arms.

I wish,
that someday,
I will be blessed to meet you once more.
For I silently crave,
that someday,
I would fall in love once again.

betrayed? back-stabbed? confused..

2005-09-22T18:15:00.000+08:00

betrayed? back-stabbed? confused..

as i logged on into friendster this afternoon, i noticed the alert in friendster indicated i got a new messages in my inbox, and the sender is from David..so i thought it was eu jin at first..until i clicked it and saw it is actually from cw, another david..

haha..i nearly wanted to rub my eyes to check is it really from him? well you see, i haven't been hearing from him for like, months...since last year if i'm not mistaken..i got to know him as the my friend's boyfriend...and yea we talked alot back then cuz i was like the middleman whenever he and my friend fought...then the time comes when i could no longer see him online anymore...his status was always offline...it is pretty unusual u see for he is one of the online addicts...so i tried to sms him, message him through friendster and all...but still no reply from him..i tried asking his gf to see what when wrong.....

as weeks goes by, i began to suspect that he actually blocked me....back then, i always wondered, did i said something wrong? or did something bad unintentionally? as months goes by, i started to give up...well if he wishes not to speak to me no more, let it be...no point persisting when the other refuses to tell you why, or even telling straight in the face that he hates me...he just left me clueless...sigh

when i read the contents of the message i received earlier, i was shocked and speechless..he told me he was sorry that he actually blocked me ( not surprising at all )...but what caught my eye was the reason he blocked me during that time... he claimed that my friend ( currently his ex-gf) actually forced him to block me...she suspected there's something between me and him...as i read, my mind started to finish all the little jigsaw puzzles i had in me all this while together...and i finally understood why she seemed so angry at me back then...sigh..she could've just told me you know...i would have back off right away.........

for now, i'm wondering why do people always think i'm the kind of person who will steal your boyfriend away? argh...i guess all this while i've portrayed myself badly....countless times people misunderstood my personality, my character, my attitude...they even claimed that i'm a slut, a bitch, oh whatever...but i always believe that these people say so because they DO NOT know me at all...judging a book by its cover is never enough...so i don't care...but her....i thought she WAS a friend....i guess when it comes to your very own boyfriend, you'll become extra protective as u start to become suspicious of the girls that mingles around your boyfriend....well i guess i'm partly to be blame also, since i was close to that guy also....

but don't take it wrong, i never stepped across the border between friendship and relationship....i strongly believed that you shall not do upon others, what you don't want others to do upon you....i would never dare to dream that my friend, or even worst my best friend, would have an 'affair' with my boyfriend...i always prayed that i would never have to choose between both of them...plus, i have faith in my friends that they will never do such things to me...vice versa... sigh, why can't people just trust me?

maybe i'm really destined to be the lil fox... lol ^^

sex toy ^^

2005-09-10T23:55:00.000+08:00

sex toy ^^

wow...it's been really quite some time since i last posted....was i busy? well maybe..afterall exam is only about a month away...sigh...or was i just being lazy? haha i think it's more of the latter one =P

so just to summed out what has been happenning for the past few weeks...well everything seems fine, normal, back to square one...everybody in school seemed pretty stressed and tensed due to the upcoming finals....including me..i still can't make up my mind should i take accounts or not...*takes a deep big sigh* i still have many babs to cover...and i'm trying to finish off my core subject's syllabus as well....cuz i don't think my school teachers can finish all of them in time....argh...i'm longing for the holidays....lol

hmm....september is really a month of birthdays, ain't it?? Hehe i've got to know a few september babies you see...Last friday, the 9th was siew ying's 16th birthday...well i'm sure it will be a memorable one for her, and also the rest of us...Haha it all started when the Council started calling her "char siu" due to her dark complexion...(kinda sui also lar) later on from char siu, it convert into 'Char Siu Pao' instead...Lol so for her bday, kiavin suggested to buy 16 char siu pao for her, as a birthday gift...everyone agreed immediately...and when her bday finally arrives, wow siew ying's reaction was kinda, one in a million...was it anger? or frustration? but later on she seemed to be laughing it off, smiling widely as usual...kekeke anyway, good job guys *winks*

anyway...the next bday boy is ---> ryan...haha our very own bear of 4 Damai.... therefore i asked kiavin what is he up to, regarding ryan's present...so we discussed about sharing (as usual)..and later on he suggested to buy condom for him....*sigh guys are guys* =P but condom is quite common...if i'm not mistaken guys have been giving condoms to each other as presents since like, form 2? just then, an idea shot into my mind...what about a, erm....sex toy?? well when i told the guys about it...they seemed to like it alot...maybe because no one ever thought of it before?? and hey, please don't think that i'm a pervert =P haha for your information, i don't use sex toys..i don't really know anything about them...hehe the idea about buying just, appeared...all of a sudden, okay? =P

so...we got in mind what to buy....how about, how to buy it??? haha afterall, we are all underage...*sigh on behalf of the guys* lol so the responsibility of buying the present was pushed here and there, among the few of us...in the end, i had to buy it cuz they insisted that i looked the most matured *ahem* plus i'm the most likely person to get help from my parents to, go inside...haha

what was my parents reaction when i told them? tee hehe. well i told my mum first...she laughed it off..my dad, errr i think he told my mum , " kids these days ar....sigh...how can buy such a thing wan?!?!" nevertheless, dispite what they say, i still dragged them to pyramid...*evil laughter* on the way my mum keep assuring me that she won't walk into that shop with me....hahaha anyhow, finally, we reached our 'ultimate' destination ----> I Need House.

My mum and i entered while my dad waited outside...well this is my second time entering this shop...i still remember the first time i entered was also with my mum, both of us walked in innocently and thought it was just another girly shop...until we saw packets and packets of condoms with a wide varieties of flavours on the rack...lol okay back to today...i was busy searching for something interesting....while my mum seemed really, uncomfortable...lol undeniably it's really really colourful inside...very interesting =p anyway i couldn't stand it and went straight to the sales girl and told her what i want, what's her recommendation and all...so she started introducing me their products, which some i've already seen from their website...it's really a good thing to know what are you looking for, so check out www.ineedhouse.com for more information muahaha okok back to the shop.....errr actually i wanted to buy a penis pump...that would be damn hilarious haha..but it's damn expensive!! 200-300 bucks......nah we can't afford that...so i had to choose between animal thongs, penis extension cream and err....handjob thingy?? haha btw the handjob thingy is exactly like a penis size..similar to a cylinder shape with a lot of pointy pointy soft rubbery things inside ( like those vilus in our intestine you know? keke) the salesgirl told me it's actually for the men to masturbate himself...but with those pointy-rubbery-vilus-like thing, it actually helps him to....er...stimulate.... HAHAHA alright i found something...next, another smaller packet of Penis Extension Stuff ( it's actually a cream)...and i bought a packet of lubricant to go with it...alright....everything settled...total, 117.40....hmm okay wat for 10 ppl =P

by the way, my mum left the shop halfway when i was still inside choosing....so bad dumped me alone in the condom shop and go sit with my dad outside instead...haha i think she couldnt stand it...and u know, when couple walked in and saw me inside as well, they couldn't help but fired me with some weird eyeshots, and looked at me from tip to toe... -.- hey hey i know we're in the same condom shop but you don't have to look at me that way okay?? haha i think i'm kinda at fault also...lol...cuz my eyes were looking at what? penis pumps? while my hands holding things like masturbation kit (for men - the handjob stroker)? penis extension cream?? haha they must have think i'm really really, DESPERATE hahaha....secretly they must have thought, ouch, what a pitiful boyfriend she has...with a girlfriend so desperate for penis extension. tee hehe ^^

before i end this post, haha i would like to add in some additional *tips* from the sex toy i bought...so whoever feels uneasy to read what might be coming up next, you may stop here...for those who are desperate or curious, maybe you'll find it useful someday...HAHAHA to me it's just hilarious...

Penis Enlargement Stuff - Instructions for Use:
- turn lights low and turn on music
- pull pants down
- look at pretty girls and think lewd thoughts
- apply Penis Enlargement Stuff to organ and stroke
- watch penis grow
- when "accident' occurs discontinue stroking
- wipe frin from face and stuff from hands
- wait 24 to 48 hours before repeating previous instructions

oh well, girls..have a laugh. guys, enjoy =P

interact 10th installation day

2005-07-30T20:43:00.000+08:00

interact 10th installation day

sobs...i had to wake up at 6.30 today, so that i can reach school by 7! there will be interact installation's rehearsal this morning, and 'Scapegoat' can only make it at 7.15am....so argh sacrifice a lil bit of my sleep la...even normal school days i dun reach school that early okay! =P but the thing is, i reached there and kishok hasn't arrive!! soon Scapegoat and i were waiting outside the school hall like dumbies...and i'm so tired cuz of yesterday's celebration and all...gessh

in the end he did come, but it was an hour later....-.- okay fine we tried to carry out the rehearsal...but later we found out that some students are playing futsal in the hall...therefore we can only use the stage....-.- i'm glad to say that all of my performers showed up for the rehearsal...but for the members who are gonna be installed, i dare say less then 10 of them turned up..

about the sketch, we canceled it...all of us doesn't seem to be ready, and time is running out....plus, i sensed that most of them don't really wanna do it...but they're just doing me a favour thats all....therefore i don't wanna force anybody, for me myself were exhausted and stressed up by then...i hope i didn't lose my anger in front of anybody...esp bhakti, was i harsh on him? aikz guys, sorry if i did... =(

anyway, the rehearsal ended so late till other members are coming in....and we didn't even had a proper rehearsal you know...i rushed back to bath, changed into club uniform and rushed back to school...haha u should've seen me in my blazer...and yea, it's damn hot!!!

then the installation starts...the crowd was pathethic man...really pathetic...10 schools supposed to come...but only 3/4 schools turned out...plus, even our own members fong fei kei us...only a quarter of those who wished to be installed turned up...sigh, and we don't even have a opening act....worst still, our emcee was lousy, real bad...he was supposed to be phat fabes cousin u know...haha and by then, everything seems to go really hay-wired...i was running back and forth at the backstage to make sure the performers are ready...helped them prepare and set up...blablabla

thankfully, the 2nd half of the installation was better though...i think =p the BODs weren't that panicked anymore...as we strive to do the best out of it....hehe shaun took over the emcee....and then our assistants were installed...then we, the BOD...haha we actually got to go up the stage with our out-going board...so i was with chiew nee...we walked past the crowd holding our hands...went up, hugged me and passed the sash to me..it was really heart-warming you know...it felt like somebody trusted you, and now she passed down the responsibility as an IU director...*aww* by the way, shaun seemed to be emotional when he passed his vice-president post to siew ying...all along he had a hard time letting go of his post...so instead after he first hugged siew ying, i think his eyes were filled with tears and he hugged siew ying twice...lol

oh yea..i have to stressed the best performers were by our own BOD itself!! haha it was a remix dance by shaun, kimberly + brenda, nat li + faliq + ivan...actually at first they told me that they couldn't finish choreographing one whole song...so i told them to do a remix instead...and it really turns out well you know!! shaun u luv dancing don't you! brenda n kim were sexy! and i simply loved nat li, faliq and ivan's break dance...soo proud of u guys!! =)

now, i will just pray hard that next year's IU will be better...sigh

happy sweet sixteen to me!

2005-07-30T20:16:00.000+08:00

happy sweet sixteen to me!

hehe it's been quite some time seen my last post...busy with exams mar =P what to do...sigh dun ask about exams, they suck! haha i dunno the results yet though, and i'm glad i do not =P

the previous week has been awful for me...for i was busy, busy and busy...i had my monthly tests going on..while interact installation is on saturday, which is right after our exams...so practically all the BOD were trying to work it out on this two aspects, and completing both at the same time...haha and trust me, it was really stressful...grrr =p

anyway, i would like to say a big big thank you to all who made an effort to spiced things up on my birthday!! *muaks* so far, this has been the best birthday i ever had (minus the exams pressure)...hehe really sweet sixteen huh? although it seem that many of my friends were being careful to not bring up about last year's incident lol....i'm glad to say that i got over it, finally... or was it long time ago? =)

i would just like to forward my thanks and appreciation to the following :

shen yee, for the Il Divo cd ( yea yea u've proven that u did not forget my bday =P)

joshua, who put in so much effort and time for this particular day =)

kiavin, for the wonderful earrings ( damn costly u know! =P) poor guy who had
to pay most of the expenses during the celebration..haha

ryan, for the lovely bear soft toy! it's so huggable haha, just like you! lol

izzera, for spicing things up in pyramid!

bhakti, for the lovely door hanger ( yea now i can get rid of the old rabbit =p )

carolyn, for the beautiful chopstick

abby, for the cute hamtaro keyring...and most importantly for keeping me
company whenever i need u =)

samantha, it would never be the same without u =)

last but not least, for those who signed the card...honestly speaking that was my 1st time receiving a bday card, signed by so many friends of mine....really really touched when i saw it! =) o yea and the guys for spending me dinner in sushi king (gosh i sure it must have been very costly) ..

this year's bday made me realised how much my friends meant to me...how much they care and love u ( haha or am i just being perasan ? =p)

so...erm a BIG BIG thank you to all for u!! luv you guys and girls to bits *muakx*

cheers for band!

2005-07-16T22:13:00.000+08:00

cheers for band!

haih....i feel so miserable right now....freaking upset of what happened earlier....today is our school band's first concert....and i'm right here, just came back after the event....nah, there's nothing wrong with the concert...not about that......

my day started off with the ILTS ( interact leadership training seminar) in SS17 school...later on i rushed to Puchong for my music class....and soon after its over, i had to go to school to prepare for tonight's concert...to be exact everyone suppose to be there by 4.00 pm....

oh well, reached there...waiyuan told me to place my bag in one of the fitting room at the backstage there....i went in and saw it was fulled and packed with everyone's bag as well...so i told myself, if a theif happens to come in, he is definitely gonna jump for joy... but the thought of having my hp stolen never, never, ever crossed my mind back then... *sobs*

i found out when i checked my bag and realized it was missing...i started to panicked and wonder did i actually brought my hp? so i borrowed my friend's phone and called home, asked my mum to checked whether my hp is at home or not...answer is no....den i tried calling my phone, auto-voice message machine...no matter how many times i pressed 'dial', i still get the same answer...the same thing happened when my friend tried too....my heart dropped instantly....not long after that, tears start flowing down my eyes...

sigh i couldn't help it....i hate being this weak....so vulnerable.....losing lil things like this then aikz....but i just couldn't control myself...the more i try to find it, and whenever i failed to find it, my hearts sanked lower and lower....in the end, i let go all the frustration that was bottled up for the pass 15 minutes at a corner...but mr mah came and asked me to leave this thing behind, for the concert should be our first priority.... -.-

so how....go out la....luckily that time is only tuning and warm-up....so not that many crowd is present yet...but i hate myself so much..why can't i control myself? is my EQ that low?! every band member was looking at me...their facial expression was filled with concern as well as, i dunno....ish ish ish....i couldn't play my flute properly...i feel like as if some part of my flesh was cut out of the body....

in the end i was so worried that i couldn't perform tonight....i was still struggling with my tears and my emotions while the concert will be starting in a few minutes time...but thank god in the end i managed to pulled it through...maybe because i was so worried about the concert... at least i managed to get my priorities right... =)

alas the concert is over...surprisingly the crowd wasn't that bad...in fact it was pretty good...i'm glad to see many of our ex-member came back to cheer for us, support us...seafield band never had that much of supporters before....for years we were looked down as a club who is progressing very slow....but tonight, we managed to prove them wrong.... finally =)

to my missing hp, or stolen one, i dunno...i'm gonna miss u *sigh*

finally it's over

2005-07-11T18:02:00.000+08:00

finally it's over

today is the final round of Malay debate...didn't sleep well last night cuz i was busy preparing my speeches...other ppl have to do only 1, but i have to do 2...what to do? i'm doing the reply speech also mar...and that is like the most important one? therefore cannot simply just talk crap...sigh

by the way, the 1st two rounds of debate, my class was against 4b and 4e...actually this Malay debate competition is not as big and monumental as the one we had for english ( whole form 4 n 5)...this time only few selected classes ( the better ones ) who joined the competition...and it is form 3 n 4...although the total of classes that participated were only 6 of them, but the motions were very much tougher, compared to our english debate...

well here are some of our motion :

1st round - 4d vs 4b : Bahan-bahan bacaan popular boleh merosakkan
bahasa ibunda (pencadang)

2nd round - 4d vs 4e : Kemajuan dalam bidang teknologi maklumat
menjana pembangunan negara (pembangkang)

Finals - 4d vs 3b : Sikap materialistik menjejaskan nilai-nilai murni
(pembangkang)

haha now u can actually see that in the 2nd n finals, the topic didn't really favour us....haha especially for the finals...we had really hard time cracking our head for the isi...trying to make our speech last for 8 minutes...lol

any how, we won the Malay debate =P hehe not to boast or brag, but i kinda expected it..cuz for the 3b team, only Farah is very good, i mean damn good! haha but the other two, erm not that impressive la...in fact a lil shaky....therefore, we got the champion title!! but this time i did not cheered as i did during the english debate...maybe the atmosphere is different and that time we really thought we were gonna lose....hehe....

now i just pray and pray hard that they don't put me in the school team for debating...cuz teacher once told me they are gonna put me, shahirah, shiue nee and farah for next year's school debate team for Malay..but i don't think they're aware that 80% i'll be in the school debate team for English also....argh....i really don't want to join, both of them....it's much more pressurising than u expect...every night i had to burn mignight oil to prepare my speeches...before that i have to find out all the isi and divide it among the speakers...aint a fancy job eh? plus, next year i'll be very very busy with my IU day....that will be my main objective for the year to come...sigh....worst still, my teacher told me to take diploma in theory exam next year -.- and yea yea yea, i'm facing SPM next year, without tuition....therefore, i cannot afford to join so many things!!

lol...i'm getting nuts, aint i? anyway, i'm just glad that now the debate is over, i finally can sleep well tonight...relieved i am, for the world never felt so peaceful before.... >.<

carnival day 2005

2005-07-03T20:51:00.000+08:00

carnival day 2005

today would be the day every Seafieldian is expecting all these years....since the one and only one we had in form 1, our school never organized another carnival day till today....and during that time i didn't had the chance to enter those haunted houses....well, this time i finally had my chance...and as tables turned, 4 Damai will be organising the haunted house this year...haha with 4 Fasih of course...=p

anyway, the preparation for the haunted house took us like months to prepare it, as in the setting, the things we need, the budget and all....and setting up the house was darn tiring for all of us...i'm sure those who were involved will agree with that...we took 2 agonising long days to set up the house...haha every single pieace of paper in that room is the fruit from our hardwork...gosh the classroom is pretty small, and our plan is kinda, erm big? haha.. oh yea by the way, it is bhakti who is the mastermind of our haunted house...while i'm his assistant....kekeke...now that's why u know i'm so busy huh? lol...he's incharge of the guys haunted house, while i take care of the girls' side..( our PIBG decided to have seperate haunted house, guys and girls...damn lame!)

okay...done with the preparation and all...3rd of July finally came....haha i'm surprised with myself cuz i actually woke up at 6.30 in the morning today...which is erm...something that has not happened for quite some time =p hahaha! anyway, i went to school and make up the most of the girls, and lastly me myself...well i can't deny that the moment i stepped out of the toilet, almost everyone shot their eyes at me...in a weird way..haha...today i will be the Bride of Satan, black top black skirt black veil....kekekeke...my duty is to be the guide so haha no need to scare people =p now how good is that right hehe

so, The Cursed Mansion started off around 9.45...and so hell on earth begins....haha not that much for the visitors, but for us ghosts inside the classroom....gosh, it was really hard to SURVIVE in there okay...those girls who entered were so BLUR!! geesh and worst of all, scaredy cat....sigh i was supposed to instruct them to enter the tunnnel, but many freak out at the entrance already...some even turn back...some keep pushing me till i nearly fell too....worst of all, when someone refuses to go in the tunnel (you have to crawl), the whole damn haunted house is jammed!! people will keep entering and my place is getting even more congested....therefore, i was shouting, screaming, scolding, yelling...*paiseh* i think literally the whole classroom heard my voice...my best friend carolyn said that she never saw me that erm, fierce before....well i kinda agreed with what she said also =p i never used that much anger since like, std 2...hahaha! anyway, all the girls were trying to survive, striving hard to breath! we had to stay inside for 3 agonizing hours! worst still, our props were falling, thanks to the freaking visitors...torch lights were losing their shine, no battery....HQ is too busy and the place was too dark to search for stuffs too...so in the end, i was trying to hold the 'wall' with one hand, and guide the others to the tunnel...gosh trust me, it aint easy hahaha...

well by 1230 our shift is finally over...the girls were exhausted, so do i...but nevertheless, every single one of them did a terrific job....i couldn't be more thankful for the cooperation they gave me, as we bear the pain together...cuz it was really stuffy inside, although we had fans and air cooler...the reaction of the visitors? well they can be divided into 2 categories....no1- scaredy cat people, who freak out soooooo easily, those who cried, who begged to leave. no2- people who try to prove that they are brave, that they are fearless...they enter with only one reason, to prove themselves, and in some way, hurt the ghost too. now honestly, i hate those no2 group of people!! geesh, damn sickening to me when they act cool...worst still, they shouldn't hurt my classmates... bear in mind, we're all girls u know! if the guys tempek each other, well thats normal la...but now it seems that the girls are more ganas than ever....hmm...

anyway, after that it was the guys' shift...lol they did not enjoyed it that much either....=p muahaha...it was SOOOO stuffy and heaty inside that even the visitors who went in couldn't stand it...what say the ghost who had are stucked there for another 3 hours? btw i was outside doing the ticketing...with my costume on of course...keke erm kinda attracted lots of questions from the guys....like why i'm not inside...and so....lol well back to the crew, i'm pretty sure they really struggled to go through the falling props, and the beating and tempeking of the guy visitors...ryan completely lost his voice, poor dude...everybody inside was sweating as if they just jumped into the pool...the air was stuffy, heaty..we can barely breath...haha

we cut the line around 2.30 so that we can end it early....it was supposed to be held till 3.30 wan, but i don't think the props, or the people for that matter can stand any longer..haha...so after the last visitors left, the door was slammed wide open..and everyone just rushed out to catch some fresh air...haha...poor thing =p after 3.30, all of us had to clean up the classroom -.- u know it took us 2 whole days to set it up, and only an hour to tore it down...haha bhakti damn sakit hati lor...hehe erm during the process of cleaning up things, i think i didn't do much la...i was keke, too tired...my leg =P my slippers got about 2 n 1/2 inches of heels wan u know...try standing for 6 hours and see...plus, after that we walked to ehsan to have our erm, breakfast and lunch at 6pm?? haha and joshua, bhakti n i had to walked back all the way to joshua's house (near school) to get our stuff....by that time i think my leg is kinda giving away liao...lol...there were a few times my knee-cap suddenly like, bend forward? hahaha

anyway, although i did not go around and enjoy myself at the carnival...but i think the fun times i experienced from building the haunted house, being inside the haunted house, is good enough...=) and for now, i desperately need some rest and sleep =p

one word : busy

2005-06-24T18:56:00.000+08:00

one word : busy

argh...past few days i've been busy busy busy....*sobs* all of a sudden i wonder why am i so occupied with so many responsibilities?? =p

firstly, there was my class' backboard to be filled...what to do i'm the so-called ketua keceriaan in class...then later teacher told me i had to fill up the afternoon's session also... -.- theirs is COMPLETELY empty okay....argh...and know i have to buy all sorts of newspaper and even cut my own magazines *sobz* haha cuz i used to collect them since 2000 =p

next, i got my pancaragam's duty to attend to...thank goodness i'm not involved in the marching competition or else i'll be skipping class everyday, which i cannot afford that...but still, we are having our first concert on the 16th of July..and i'm in charge of the aturcara....so, work again..worst still my microsoft word skill has been deteriorating since my last paperwork...haha...but thank goodness i had samantha's help ( she's the secretary of our prefect board *wink wink*) so alas, its done i guess...?

then the next up-coming event for me is my school's family day...=p gosh its so rush...we only started planning when school reopens so we have like...few weeks to prepare? haha hey it's not our fault okay, cuz the school annouced the date pretty late...and yea...i'm er...quite involved in it...again...haha..my class is doing haunted house this year...well i think by now u can guess how much work has to be done.....plus our school's PIBG decided that we have to organise to separate haunted house --- guys and girls...they fear *something something* will happen wor... or did it happened before? =p with that, literally our class had to split into two and, manpower-wise is really really...sigh

as u all know i joined interact this year....well soon i'll be very busy with our installation....and guess wat, its on the 30th! grrr.....our seniors ain't that happy with our incoming board...sigh what to do right...so many procrastinations going around the board...plus our BOD, most of them always absent from general meetings...and they are the main BOD : president, vice president and secretary...what to do, cant blame them either...they have other commitments also...aiya headache la..

last but not least...i have debate!! -.- i cant believe it...i thought after the english debate....it's finally done, OVER...but today i was told that i'm involved in the bm debate also *cries* BM??! writing essays i can la....but speaking-wise....i duno wor....lol...but i know that the first language i learnt to speak is BM haha...aiks i hope i no need to go ler...hmm o yea, i'm into chinese debate also...how 'good' is that huh? but that one is like friendly match only ler..not that pressurising....anyway, i just hope that i don't have to go through hell again, like what happened during the english debate, although we won it....that's not the kind of thing which i want to experience again...i mean the sleepless night part hehe

sigh, busy busy busy me..

singapore !! thumbs up or * a BIG BOO !* ??

2005-06-11T20:50:00.000+08:00

singapore !! *thumbs up* or * a BIG BOO !* ??

7th June, 2005.

tonight my family and i will be leaving kl for singapore...except for my eldest brother....well i think it's been quite a while since we went for holiday together....maybe a few years?? when people start to age and mature they tend to be too busy with their own work...and in result, as a younger family member you don't get to see them that often anymore...lol...alas tonight we had a chance to travel together, although its by train...but good enough i guess =)

8th June, 2005.

we're suppose to reach singapore by 7.30am in the morning...but believe it or not, after we passed the imigration at the Woodlands, and as we were heading for the railway station, some tree fell on the railway-track...hahaha....so they had to stopped the journey, go down and cut the tree branch that was blocking the way....in the end, our journey was postponed for 3 hours....-_- by the time we grabbed a cab to our hotel, it was around noon already...*sigh*

the first thing that astonished me about spore is that, well they do have trees! hahaha lots of them somemore...lol i may sound jakun here but, the spore i had in mind all this while is a city filled with skyscrapers and buildings...no place for plants to grow, flowers to blossom....haha *blushes* honestly speaking this is my first time being in spore, although it is like, SO NEAR to msia?? =p and yea...another thing is their taxis...instead of the lame proton saga we have in msia, they had toyota crown instead....and majority wise, the city was flooded with taxis, rather than normal vehicles...later did i know that this is due to COE ( certificate of entitlement) that is charged to every car owner...which is very much costly...therefore, not every citizen of spore can afford to own a car...especially when the living standard is so high...everyone is struggling to survive....owning a vehicle? argh, leave that to the wealthy ones...

hmm....looking back at msia, almost every household owns AT LEAST one vehicle...just look at the massive traffic jam we have every day....hahaha...even in the rural areas, the people there can afford to have a BMW or Mercedes...=p

sigh i really sound like a granny...i feel so OLD...my body is failing me....muahahaha =p anyway, after we checked-in, we headed for shopping first! of course orchard street was our first choice! actually it's just like another KL town =P or our starhill...hehe...u can find tons of shopping complexes around here, both big and small....major ones like paragon; smaller ones like lucky plaza...haha it's just like our Sungei Wang Plaza and Timesquare? except that all of it is just side by side in spore...in other words, all packed in one place!! =p kinda crampy at times...well, what to do, limitation of land mar =P

tee hehe... at night we took a cab to the night safari....supposed to be QUITE well known lar...hehe it wasn't that bad...for those lazy people (like me) who prefer NOT to walk around ( esp in the dark), we hopped in into a tram where it will take us around seeing night creatures...hehe...it was kinda cool u know =P cuz they have pigs here...something u definitely don't find in malaysia, as in publicly =P hahaha!

9th June, 2005.

sentosa island is our destination today....i have to admit that spore's public transport service is good and regular cuz we didn't have any difficulties in getting there...haha we went over to sentosa by bus and once we departed from it, we looked around, figuring where to go first =P haha other words, lost?? lol we didn't have any tour guide to lead us, so...we're all on our own...thankfully in sentosa, there are many buses that carries tourists around the island....so we hopped into one and headed for The Merlion first...then the Underwater World, which was smaller then i expected...Dolphin Lagoon, damn the dolphins are sooo adorable...i begin to fell in love with them now =P Dragon Trail...which was erm....covered with dry leaves and twigs?? not in such a good condition huh...Cinemania, which i went in ALONE...my parents got health problems and my brother can't get over his dilemma on such things that make u feel sick...so in the end, i went in alone -.- sigh...and last but not least, Musical Fountain...supposed to be very famous...well i think it is cuz the capicity of seats for the audiences is like, half a miny stadium? but honestly speaking, the presentation of the musical fountain is pretty disappointing, to me...=( we sat there and waited for an hour like fools for such a show....and with all the grumbles and sour-faces from my dad n bro...it proves that the waiting wasn't worth it.....actually the musical fountain could be quite interesting with the use of hologram to casts images....but compared to our musical fountain in Mines Wonderland, i think ours is much better =P

Me on my way to Sentosa

sigh...this ain't really a fantastic day to me....for the entire day, me and my mum had to confront the nasty moods of my dad and bro....they complaint, grumbled, displayed sour-faces, threatened to leave etc. i just feel so sick and fed-up that i had to go on a holiday with people like these, and sadly to say, my own family members...in the urge of fury and madness, i even told myself this would be my last holiday with these people....i hate people that grumble and fruts all the time over when things doesn't go as planned, or when it wasn't pleasant enough for them, especially when they did not put much effort in it...is it me and my mum's fault that the weather is so hot?!?! are we to be blamed for all the time we had to wait for the next shuttle bus?!?! do you think we 'enjoyed' all of these just as you do? sometimes i even wonder, would it have been better if i had stayed at home throughout the holidays....do my own stuff, going out with my friends...at least i'm sure that i will enjoy it...at least, there won't be much argument....and pain....

i'm really struggling very hard to be a better person in life...i didn't attend church camps and talks for nothing okay....i know no one is perfect, neither do i...i admit that sometimes i can be harsh to ppl, hurt ppl's feelings etc...therefore i struggle to improve, to change....but when i look turn and look around, i just feel sooo iritated by certain people's behavior....especially people whom i'm living with..that's bad huh? yes, agitated i was...*sigh*

nevertheless, i think this is what a family is made of...yes you'll get lots of laughter, happiness, care, joy, love etc. but you can never stop hatred, anger, tears, arguments from slipping in... however many people failed to see this...especially in their marriage huh? nowadays, young man and women tend to take these things too perfectly, which in result they get utterly disappointed, or they just couldn't accept the imperfection of the other individual... i guess this is an issue that most of the divorced couples faced...sigh

Casa Rachado 2005

2005-06-05T22:49:00.000+08:00

Casa Rachado 2005

well, for the past few days i haven't been blogging for i was away for a church camp...hehe my last confirmation camp...*sigh*

1st day, Friday, 3rd June.

i thought i will be late to reach the CKK Parish Centre cuz me and my parents overslept...haha...my mum rushed me there by 8 sharp...but i found out that many people hasn't arrive yet....ish....and we left with the bus at 9.30.. -_- if only i knew......argh....haha by the way we, the form 4's, are kinda outnumbered? we felt SOOO awkward cuz the number of form 3 students is so much more than us....this year's camp we got a total of 99 students participating, both form 3 and 4....but form 4 only got like, 30+ students? hahaha u can guess how 'small' we seem compared to them...

they held the camp at Casa Rachado, Port Dickson....sad to say that it ain't such a fantastic place...compared to last year...it is really erm..small u know....99 people stucked in one small hall where activities and games are carried out is like....i can't breath!! haha plus, it is 12 people to an apartment with only 3 rooms....my room was packed with 5 beds cuz alicia they all don't want to sleep in the living room...although beds were prepared there too....they insisted on having at least a proper room...so they could get some privacy? so me n felicia pitied them and shared our room with them instead...imagine one tiny room, with a queen size bed, and 3 single bed on the floor....haha we couldn't walk around without stepping on our own pillows and bed...=p

after we checked in, we had lunch downstairs...argh the food sucks....last year we complaint about the food....but now we realise that even last year's food was better...-.- first of all there were't much varieties...then the food tasted pretty badly (it was buffet style) worst of all, the drinks were so diluted....my friend said it tasted like aquarium water....now thats bad haha..

we managed to finish our food and headed back to the hall for ice-breaking games.. i was kinda dissapointed that the games were exactly the same as last year...and worst of all..the hall was so packed, activities couldn't be carried out properly...but oh well, after that Martin Jalleh, our speaker for the camp came...he is a renowned speaker from penang and had many years of experience in organising camps....MJ is famous for his jokes lol...and yea, he was great...definitely better than last year's Raj and Donald... =)

2nd day, Saturday, 4th June.

we had our morning call at 7am by the junior facilitators...they were pretty mad cuz someone ledged the door last night =p so they couldn't come in for their security check haha! for your information, they will not sleep throughout the night...and worst still, you are suppose to surrender your room keys to them so they can come in and check on you....they make sure that every is in bed, no night-activities, no girls in boys room etc. haha they will even flash torchlight on your face to check on you....and, they do this not only once....they'll come back...anytime...and they always do -.- lol..*sigh* tight security =p

well, the second day was the busiest day for us...to keep it short, we had praise and worships, sessions after sessions, BGR and sex talk, telematches...and last but not least, the inner healing session....i duno why i hate inner healing so much....maybe because i hate to cry when people are around? surprisingly during last year's inner healing, almost everyone slept cuz we were sitting on the cushion chair comfortably with our eyes closed and we were sooo tired...haha...but this year, we were all sitting on the ground...ass pain, leg pain, back pain...how can u sleep la?! lol actually MJ conducted the inner healing better also la...many people were touched by the holy spirit....many cried and sobbed....including me -.-

when all the sessions ended, MJ gave us a longer time to lepak around cuz it's our last night here mar =P so me and my gang of guys went near to the beach, hmm not that near actually cuz we weren't allowed..-.-...but it was nice though to feel the breeze....vincent were imitating the titanic's scene...*wink wink* actually Casa Rachado is quite a nice place except the beach is eventually a swarm -.- lol

3rd day, Sunday, 5th of June.

the junior facilitators woke us up at 7.30am today cuz we called off late last night ( around 1-2am) all of us are obliged to attend mass at 9am...i was in the choir with nichole and christine... but somehow, our voice sounded different....our throats were in pain and our voice was coarse...all of us were getting sick....seriously almost everyone suffered sinus and soarthroat when they were here...i think it's due to the dusty environment we have in our bedrooms...surprisingly, they don't do room service! unlike normal hotels and resorts, they change at least their bedsheets once a day....but here it has never been change!! gosh it was so dusty and dirty that u can actually see it with your own eyes!! now how bad is that? =p

when mass ended, we had our last session with MJ, had our lunch, and rushed back to our room to pack...we were given really little time to pack and eat lar....ish ish...plus the queue for food is like soooo long? haha anyways, the bus came at 2 and gosh...sitting in the bus were like hell for the guys =p first of all, it was soo packed..i mean like the spaces between the seats is so small!! so with limited spaces and with our luggages, a 2 hour journey ain't that fantastic okay! haha and then, it was so bumpy that u can barely sleep...( all of us were damn tired cuz lacked of sleep) ahha....and then, the bus didnt have any curtains, at all...so eventually we were barbequed throughout the journey...hahaha....

now that the camp is over, it also shows that i'll be leaving Sunday School soon too...although the session for the camp is much better this year ( thanks to MJ), but it cannot be compared to the fun and happy moments we had last year at the resort....in a few more months time, i'll be confirmed and i'll never have to stay back 1 hour after mass every Sunday...i've been stucked in this 'tradition' for more then 10 years...haha and finally i get to leave it soon...that's something to celebrate right? surprisingly, i feel kinda sad also cuz i know that i won't be seeing my friends that often..we cannnot attend sunday school anymore....we cannot join camp anymore....i'll definitely miss those moments..

what is your personality?

2005-05-31T12:01:00.000+08:00

what is your personality?

Your #1 Match: ESFP

The Performer

You are a natural performer and happiest when you're entertaining others.
A great friend, you are generous, fun-loving and optimistic.
You love to laugh - and you like almost all people equally.
You accept life as it is, and you do your best to make each day fantastic.

You would make a good actor, designer, or counselor.

Your #2 Match: ESTP

The Doer

You are adventurous and risk taking. You act first, think second.
You love being the center of attention. Chances are you were the class clown.
Competitive, charming, and charasmatic - you have your own code of honor.
You live a flexible life, bouncing between a series of activies that interest you.

You would make a great salesperson, marketing director, or entrepreneur.

Your #3 Match: ISFP

The Artist

You are a gifted artist or musician (though your talents may be dormant right now).
You enjoy spending your free time in nature, and you are good with animals and children.
Simply put, you enjoy bueaty in all its forms and live for the simple pleasures in life.
Gentle, sensitive, and compassionate - you are good at recognizing people's unspoken needs.

You would make a good veterinarian, pediatrician, or composer.

Your #4 Match: ENFP

The Inspirer

You love being around people, and you are deeply committed to your friends.
You are also unconventional, irreverant, and unimpressed by authority and rules.
Incredibly perceptive, you can usually sense if someone has hidden motives.
You use lots of colorful language and expressions. You're qutie the storyteller!

You would make an excellent entrepreneur, politician, or journalist.

Your #5 Match: ISTP

The Mechanic

You are calm and collected, even in the most difficult of situations.
A person of action and self-direction, you love being independent.
To outsiders yous eem impulsive, surprising, and unpredictable.
You are good at understanding how all things work, except for people.

You would make an excellent pilot, forensic pathologist, or athlete.

What's Your Personality Type?

first day of holiday!

2005-05-27T23:48:00.000+08:00

first day of holiday!

muahAhAhAhA....! finally exam is OVER...holidays is HERE....=P i've been waiting for this day for a long long time....haha...finally life is not that stressful and i can ENJOY... tee hehe

well for today, first of all i went to school for the interact interview...mind u i went after school =p today my school celebrated teacher's day...haha but i ponteng and went for the interact interview only...the interview was fine...and i get to see and consider who will be my assitant I.U director next year... but this afternoon i was kinda erm....kancheong when interviewing? haha cuz my ex-IU director ( 2002/2003) was there....arh back to the interview....i think sara went overboard...sigh...hey girl it's only an interview....they're only form3, inexperienced and all....u dont have to BOMBARDE them with questions u know? i was kinda irritated by the end of the interview cuz i felt she's kinda biased....she favors the person she like alone....and bombardes the rest...i pity kimberly, especially... poor girl, she was fired with questions and all....questioning of her credibility and capability is fine...but how u ask the question is very important also u know...this is an INTERVIEW....not DEBATE.... by the end of the 15 minutes of agony to her, she cried... =( and worst of all shaun, who is our vice-president 2003/2004, her brother was present too...he was pretty mad by the end of the day....

after the interview, i headed straight to pyramid....on the way fought with my mum....nah i'm not gonna elaborate on that =P well back to pyramid...when we reached there, me n abby, we went to sushi king cuz i was darn hungry....i didnt eat anything for breakfast kay? haha..anyway the guys: joshua, daqiang, ryan, bhakti joined us there...and while we're eating halfway, abby dropped her hp down the table....and it was pretty hard to get it cuz the table is quite narrow.... haha we didn't want to let the others know what went wrong so we tried to get it ourself....until she couldn't...all the guys was wondering what went wrong...and all of them stood up from the table....argh so embaressing everyone around us (the crowd) were wondering what was happening...haha....their expression is like: all of us jumped cuz there's cockroach under the table.....lol ryan tried to get the hp out but failed...cuz it was REALLY narrow....so in the end i had to almost crawl and take it myself....-_-

"i like to move it, move it..you like to, MOVE IT!!" hahaha i think everyone knows this phrase from Madagascar..lol bhakti has been singing it for the entire two weeks during exam...we had our lunch and went to watch madagascar...hehe....damn cute la! oh yea, josh parents spent all of us for the movie...they were very grateful to know that we celebrated josh's bday...awww so sweet ain't it?? =P

anyway today my leg was like...in agony?!?! it was damn painful throughout the day....the thigh...hmm i think it's because of the new rope-skipping yesterday...hahaha...

sigh i think bhakti really got me into singing the stupid song....cuz in my mind it kept playing,
"i like to move it, move it..you like to, MOVE IT!!" ....hahaha

eggy n the annie

2005-05-12T14:36:00.000+08:00

** eggy n the annie**

haha abby suddenly got the 'inspiration' to write a poem about how stinky i was...and the 'damages' i did to her house..lol...itz entitled " eggy n the annie"

oh well, enjoy...

My bathroom is eggy
My stairs is smelly
My room is fishy
My nose is saggy
All cos of u n ur eggy !

joshua's 16th birthday

2005-05-12T00:44:00.000+08:00

joshua's 16th birthday

haha now is 12.45am....i just finished my history studies...sigh...a couple of hours from now exam will be starting....haha and i'm wondering what am i doing here? =P

well yesterday...11th of may was joshua's birthday...me and my group of classmates had planned to do some pranks on him... tee hehehe...but i was kinda dissapointed for today when i went to school, a lot of classmates were missing....sam's class was half-emptied...pretty pathetic huh? haha luckily some of them still came : bryan, teong eu, lawrence, shahirah, ryan, kiavin, wai hoe etc. so back to original plan!! hehe..

after school, we brought joshua to the park behind the school...it was just a walking distance distance away...josh seemed worried cuz he did not know what's in our head...tee hehe...he knew he's gonna get something but he just don't know what is it exactly...when we reached the park, we placed the cake that wai hoe bought aside...and waited for him to bring the flour and tissues from his house...on the other hand kiavin went and get meiling too...

finally...everyone is present...including daqiang eventhough he did not go to school earlier ....haha everybody got their hands on something...each of us grab an egg....some of us took flour...while the others had their hands on can drinks...lol...then 1, 2, 3, 'Go!!' poor josh became our target...but i think the painful part for him is when the eggs were thrown...hahaha...can hear him keep screaming and running away...lol...

well birthday boy kena all this nevermine la...but i pulak kena egg stains all over my body...and thanks to shahirah she took flour and wipe on my face....hmmm....luckily my mum won't be fetching me from there...she would have KILL me if she sees my uniform like that...haha...but wait, i'm suppose to go abby's house....what will her mother think if she sees me? oh damn!

after all the egg throwing...water pouring ( coke + pineapple + cincau + 100 plus haha imagine that )...blablabla josh wanted to deliver a speech...he stood on the table and thanked everyone of us that was present to celebrate his birthday with him...he was very grateful for he said that since the age of 5, there weren't so many people as those that were present today, to celebrate his birthday with him...lol...so after 11 years, finally....well = )

later on we headed for the cake cutting ceremony...it wasnt a normal cake cutting ceremony...instead of using the knife and gently slice it, josh took it and just chop it onto the cake...performing martial arts?? haha...thanked god we stopped him after his first cut....or else i cannot imagine how will the cake turn out to be...haha..i cut out one big slice...and push the candle way to the bottom of the cake...now josh have to take the candle out with his mouth...i think u guys should know what happened next right? haha of course his face was slamed onto the cake...the next thing we heard it joshua screaming, " argh!! u guys forgotten i got a big nose!!" hahaha poor lad the cake and cream and all went inside his nose....lol...you can actually see the pink coloured cream and some chocolate cake on his nostrils.. =P

i divided the cakes to everyone while bryan went back to school to get us some water...everyone was thirsty and we need water to wash the stains on our body too....how can i get on abby's car with egg and flour all over my hands! =P and when bryan finally came back, i finally got the chance to give josh his present...a guitar tuner...he was so shocked that we actually got him a present...he wasn't expecting anything....and worst still, he was so overwhelmed when he saw the guitar tuner...hahaha...he kept jumping and i think, and he nearly wanted to cry...haha...

ok celebration over....now the thing is to return to abby's house....sigh sigh i was so embaressed when her mum saw me...i tried to use my textbooks to cover my egg-stained uniform..lol...abby keep complaining that i stink...hahaha...i think i spent about an hour in her washroom? trying to clean myself....as well as my uniform?? tee hehe =P thank god i managed to get those stains out...*phew* but unfortunately, the whole room, bathroom, even the staircase was polluted with the 'sweet scent' of raw eggs because of me...hahaha!

biology experiment

2005-05-10T17:26:00.000+08:00

biology experiment

well well well, mother's day is over and mid-term exam is coming...sigh..exam sucks u know!! stress, stress and more stress...that's all it gives actually...

finally today is our class' turn to disect the frog for bio...kekeke...actually it was supposed to be last friday...but Viknesh bought the wrong frogs...haha...way too small =P 3 for 1 buck, what can u expect right? haha i think the overall height of the frog was about 2 inches? lol

i think no matter how small or big the frog is, also can disect wan lo...haha...you just have to be a lil more gentle =P just like us hahaha! i was one of the so-called 'pakar bedah'...some title teacher gave to us....so i got to REALLY disect it...tee hehehe...even though the frog is tiny, but we managed to see all it's organs...including the eggs...and the tiny lil heart pumping there is so cute... if i'm not mistaken its only about 5mm in diameter..cute right??

well, of course a tiny lil frog can never satisfy us ( our class)... so today, wai hou came with 3 bigger frogs that he got from Pudu Market..haha! and u know....it's TOTALLY different from the disection we had on friday... first of all the frog is SOO MUCH BIGGER...and slimy too...our group got the fattest one....while bhakti got the thinner one...tee hehe=P and poor kiavin got the dead one! it was dead before we get to dozed it off in chloroform...lol so we started cutting a lil of its skin with the scissors..then we nailed the skin and started to cut the muscles instead...we tried to be very careful not to cut the organs...for things will get really messy and ugly if you accidentally cut the organs instead ( like the mistake wai tseung from 4c did )

but...while we were working our way to it, the frog suddenly gain its consciousness...it started to struggle a lil and we can see that the heart and muscles are pumping very fast... so we decided to stop disecting it for a while, and added more chloroform, hoping it will sleep again...it will be darn cruel to just cut it out alive like that! especially when it is conscious....

a few minutes passed...it had stopped moving...so we thought well, finally it dozed off...so we could carried on our work....but...lol...while we disecting half-way the frog suddenly move again...and very vigorously this time...all of us we were like so freak out so we backed off...haha no one dared to go near that frog =P then soon enough we can see the frog struggling very hard.... with all its might to free itself from the pins around him....i was so worried and scared that those tiny small pins might not be strong enough to sustain the frog on the board....what if it jumped out? it will another headache for us to catch it back...espeacially with its stomach open! haha...sigh sigh.. finally, the frog struggled so hard till we can see her lungs and heart like gonna explode like that..and well finally, i think the lungs gave way...it expanded sooo big and air bubbles red in color came out from it....hmm... pretty scary huh?

haha after the scare....after the expansion of air bubbles and all...no one dared to move...the frog stopped moving...therefore we carry on our disection =P haha i have to admit this particular frog of ours really had a strong will to live...or to fight back at least... pretty much a warrior huh? =P haha and by the way, its a female...there were eggs on its side....haha....and i managed to see its pancreas!!! yellow in color, leaf-shaped one!! lol...

i think in the end all of us were so sadistic...lol or you can say we're cruel la =P by the end of the class, there were only 6 of us left ... byran viknesh me in our group and waihou bhakti kiavin in the other group...haha practically we cut out the organs one by one...because this time the size is way much bigger...so in a way....well, itz more interesting? lol all the intestines..the over-expanded lungs...the 3 livers...its eggs....even the heart...all were cleared out...well its normal la if the heart is still pumping even though it had left its body...but the body still can move without the heart!! haha scared us again...what a frog =P

actually all of us were searching for the brain =P we couldnt find any last friday...so we're kinda determined to find it TODAY haha...we tried slicing right up to the tip of the frog's nose...well...we saw the tongue...the eyeballs...but no brain...bhakti's group even cut off its spinal cord, turn the frog's head 180 degrees to double check!! haha those guys!! lol...we also discovered its nerve system...i could actually see nerves that are string-like in pale-yellow...and when you pull or cut it, the frog's leg will eventually move!! ahhha fascinating, but scary too =P

well overall...the experiment was a success...although it was pretty much gross this time....well it was really an eye opener to me...but poor carolyn she was so taken by how the frog suffered and died...she cried on friday, she cried today..hehe i guess she is very very much soft-hearted... =) if so, does this mean that i'm cruel and sadistic? hmm....

wanna blame, blame the ineffective chloroform~!! *bleaks* haha

~* spring cleaning *~

2005-04-22T14:45:00.000+08:00

spring cleaning

today supposed to be public holiday 1 la!! i'm suppose to rest... u know REST? but sadly i had to tidy up my room...cuz dad just fixed a brand new air con in my room...i didn't know what made him do so...maybe it is like what my mum say la...everybody's room got aircon except mine, so finally my turn to have one came lo!! hehe

but..aih..for those who know me well enough...u guys should get the idea of what my room looks like...hahaha..its pretty embaressing to say that even my 2 brothers who shared one room, while i myself took one myself, yet their room is much much tidier then mine.. *blushes* hahah i noe i noe...i'm a girl...i should be tidy, clean and neat...lol but what to do la, it's my nature =p messy abit only got the 'i am home' feeling mar...=P

so i tidied, and tidied...cleaned and cleaned...throw away lots of stuff also...hehehe.. from noon till night only i finish packing... aaah mission accomplished...hehehe =P at least it doesn't look that terrible now..

well, while i was packing...i managed to find back one of my old diaries..the oldest one was 1998/1999 i think...when i was still in my primary school, lick hung...lol..looking back at what i wrote is really...interesting? hahaha especially on my writing...REAL hideous man!! duno how did my teachers used to tolerate them...hehe...plus my grammer...and my naiveness during that time...sometimes i wished that i could just go back in time..back to my childhood...back to my innocent self...not knowing what lies ahead of you...in a way, less pressure..less stress...less expectation on oneself..

later on..i also found my latest diaries....which i had stop writing since last year? hehe and my autograph book...that my classmates signed and left their sweet messages before we departed to join secondary...and well...i found out some text messages i used to have...actually 'he' is the sender...i wrote it down last year cuz i know ppl always tend to take ur hp and read ur messages...so i decided to jot down all of that in thebook...so it will never be deleted..never be discovered by the third party...

last time when i read it...it was sweet touching lovely and all...even if it doesnt seem that way to u..well, thats exactly how i felt that time...but until i discovered everything was a lie...everything is untrue...and now when i read it back..i'm confused...sigh...confused...which of the ones there that are true? when was he lying? when was he speaking the truth? was all of it were just a dream...looking back at the conversations we had...it all seemed so fake...and it totally brought down my mood...

me a tailor? again!

2005-04-22T14:32:00.000+08:00

me a tailor? again!

Last wednesday we had our bm lisan...sigh last minute preparation so wasn't that impressive..btw i did it with kiavin and josh...lol they sound pretty weird in malay..hahaha

then after our lisan...cik tan came in for sejarah...she didn't teach..so we gathered round the back of the class again...haha... last week they did aerobics...but this time, somehow or another...i duno who started it first...we did limbo..HAHAHA

of cuz, i was observing only =p practically i just sat there and cheered for them...this time we had more participants...ryan, joshua, izzera, bryan, bhakti and teong eu..well, we used our school tie to subsitute the normal stick...

as they played...the height that u have to go through gets lower and lower...u should know well, limbo mar =p it was enjoyable, till teong eu tried to go through one of the low ones...i think he bent SOOO MUCH that his pants split...again!! actually we already knew wat happen when we heard the sound of something torn.. everybody was so shocked and 'amazed' and couldnt stop laughing...haha..including teong eu too... but poor me... i had to mend it again!!

and this time...the hole is SOOO MUCH BIGGER...i got the shock of my life..haha u can literally put ur whole head through it..sigh...my another malay friend, hanani tried to mend it with the kelim belah kangkung stich...but in the end the stiches werent close enough so still can 'see' holes between them...so me...have to take out all the stiches, once again....sigh...then do the jahitan sembat...which takes alot of work... -_-

so i sewed sewed in sewed...sigh i did exactly the same thing last week!! and guess wat, it was the same pants to!! i duno wat got into his head that after my hand stiches, he did not send to the tailor to mend it properly...hand stiches are only temporary ar!! especially this is a trousers!! not handkerchief!! lol...

i guessed wednesday is a bad kharma day for teong eu...lol =p

me a tailor?

2005-04-15T21:21:00.000+08:00

me a tailor?

it was just last wednesday ( 13th of April)... hahaha i still can't believe what happened...

actually what happened was...we were pretty bored in class..and the damn middle fan was spoiled...and i'm right below it!! so, i was feeling pretty hot la...since teacher not around, i went behind to get some air...lol....btw, we always go to the back of the class...it has been our chatting corner..for both guys and girls =P

well, for today bhakti was doing aerobics behind there =P hahaha i was sitting right under the fan, enjoying the wind, while being entertained by bhakti with his aerobics...haha it was really good for laughter u know =P the way bhakti does it...and then, teong eu join in the fun...he was much more enthusiastic...hahaha...i guessed he was so 'into' it that he tried to do a split......

then all of us heard a sound...it sounded like something torn...the second we heard it, teong eu quickly stood up....he knew something went wrong...lol...you can see the drastic change in his face...i think almost every drop of blood was drained from his face...he looked worried, shocked, and helpess...well, i think by now u can guess what happened...his pants split..

he quickly sat on a chair...covering the part that tore...by now, everybody is worried for him... for no one know what to do..worst still, he's gonna stay back at school till 4...how is he gonna tahan for so long la?!?! with such a big hole in his pants... if he's going back right after school den ok la..but he have to wait for couple more hours wor...in addition to that, he got library duties to be attended to...

so how? i asked someone to fetch me needle and thread lor...haha...and another person to fetch an extra pants for him to change while i mend it...but wait wait wait...after quite sometime, still no sign of the extra pants...so i guessed we wont be having it...therefore, teong eu, kiavin and me went down to the boys toilet...but unfortunately, the toilet was locked...so poor teongeu had to take off his pants behind the block c....hahaha dangerous leh =P but no worries...i was waiting for kiavin to get me his pants at the pondok..so i see nothing =P

well, finally i got the pants...now the problem is, how to mend it?? ahaaha lol the last time i got my hands into needles and thread is last year la..for my kh project...and also the uniforms for school band...thats when i need to do alot of sewing...but this...i never had to mend 'such thing' before...especially its still warm....yucks, i try not to think y it is still warm...haha...and then i had to think, sew from right to left, or left to right? hahaha....

luckily in the end i started sewing also la...cuz kiavin keep rushing me...he kept reminding me that poor teongeu is behind there waiting..u know hor, normally girls will taking quite sometime to sew such thing wan u know...especially the hole is pretty big...i think it was like 5-6 inch....so now i'm like rushing myself, faster! faster! plus the stiches have to be small enough, or else can see very obviously...den that would even embarress him more...

wah..this time the weather is like damn damn hot..its close to 1 in the noon okay! haha i can feel my sweat dripping from my chin...haha....then when other people saw me with a guy pants and a needle, they're like...er??? haha even honkitt's gf (wei yan) with her friend was like, so astonished... then her friend kept laughing....not that she is being mean, but she can't help it...as if she lost control..haha...then wei yan was like telling her friend, 'dun laugh! dun laugh!' but obviously that didnt help...she was like shaking over there...haha while wei yan was trying to cover her friend's mouth to stop laughing....sigh...it must have been a very very queer sight...not something u can see everyday and then huh =P

finally, i managed to end my stich and cut the excessive thread...kiavin quickly took the pants to teongeu...everyone felt relieved at last...haha....at least he didnt have to walk around trying to hide his butt mar =P keke i felt proud with what i did also =P not to boast, but i was worried whether i can really do it or not...i was like, give it a shot la...no other better options mar...hehehe...

oh well, mission accomplished!!

Students should be allowed limitless access to the internet - Day 4

2005-04-08T14:31:00.000+08:00

Students should be allowed limitless access to the internet - Day 4

7th of April

adoi...after all the hardwork and sleepless nights, we finally made it to the finals...today i went to school feeling a lil dizzy already..maybe cuz lacked of sleep again la...haha

today we will be against 5E...a very very very tough opponent!! and one of them was my judge the day before yesterday!!! so i'm like, competing with my judge?! haha sure die lo like that...worst still, it will be held in the school hall, infront of hundreds of students...

before we have our debate, the sketch competition was on...my class participated too, with the sketch entitled 'tarzan and jane'...haha..although i did not take part, but i went down with them to give them moral support and cheering! hehe joshua acted as tarzan, and damn he's good =p in the end our class won the sketch, and joshua got the best actor award!

during recess i had no appetite to eat l..everything i wanted was sold out...so instead i just skipped the meal la..haha..and finally, the recess bell rang, time to go down to the school hall...this time, we had a prayer meeting before our competition as usual...but this time, the whole class prayed together =) and i led the prayer.. although we are all from different religion and races, but we prayed as one, and that's what is important..

well, the finals started..we were positioned on the stage...both sides each have a mic...seriously i hate the mic, cuz it restricts my movement and all, therefore i cannot present my specch properly..the competition between both teams were tough..real tough...but nevertheless it never failed to make me smile when i see all our class' supporters down there cheering for us...they even did a wave with their hands too! haha

finally, the moment of truth..today's judge was en gopi, pn xavier and pn tilaham..as we were waiting for the judges to discuss, i looked around and made sign language to the friends that i know...i asked them who they think will win this competition...and all of them answered the goverment...(i'm the opposition side) sigh, like that sure lose la..cuz even me jintik and bhakti also thought that we stood a really slim chance to grab the title...but oh well, at least we did our best..

and then pn xavier announced, " and winner for the Inter-class Debate Competition 2005, form4 and form5 goes to.......the opposition team!!"

i jumped off my chair and cheered for joy...seriously i thought we were losing!!! jintik and bhakti were hugging each other...i also dun care la...what guy what girl..i told bhakti," come on gimme a hug!" haha..all the three of us were overwhelmed with joy..and soon after that, all our classmates were rushing up the stage to congratulate us! aint that sweet!!

instantly, we figured that we should also say another prayer to thank God for this victory..therefore once again, all of us held our hands together as Jasmine (joshua's lil sis) said a prayer...

till now, i couldn't believe that we eventually won the debate..cuz we were the underdogs all the time, competing with form5 and school debaters u know! 2nd day when we're against 5a, they were not well prepared for they claimed that they just got the motion...on the 3rd day, their actual speakers weren't there, only one of them were present...but today, 5e was in their full force...therefore it was expected that we will get runner-up only...

any how, praise the Lord and thank you everybody who had been so supportive all this while, throughout the whole competition!!

Technology makes a nation lazy - Day 3

2005-04-07T23:37:00.000+08:00

Technology makes a nation lazy - Day 3

6th of April

i think i'm gonna die soon *choi choi* every night slept at 2am cuz busy preparing the speeches for my debate...sometimes i wonder, if tomorrow don't have debate, won't that be nice? ahaha but that means that we lost...so what to do, sighs.. continue writing my speech properly lo...

actually,for today's debate, we were told that we will be facing 4E...it was suppose to be 4D vs 4E, 5D vs 5E... it's the semi-final round mar...but suddenly they change to 4D vs 5D, 4E vs 5E... =( *sobs* i'm gonna cry liao...5D cannot play play wan...damn tough leh...therefore once again, i started feeling damn nervous and unwell too...

the debate was right after our recess....it will held in 5D class...so we will be the 'away team'... although we weren't in our own class, but the whole gang of 4 Damaian plus a few friends went all the way to 5D support us...ain't that sweet!! hahaha as we walked downstairs people were like so shocked cuz there were so many people!! as if we gonna start a gangfight...haha

once again, my team was the opposition...koogan will be the toughest opponent we can have today.... the debate started...but today bhakti will be subsituting joshua for he was the one who prepared the speech...like any first timers would feel, bhakti was very very nervous when he delivered his speech

Pn xavier was our judge today...she's a good teacher, but very very particular... when she was about to announce the results, my heart started to sank....i hate this moment of waiting... seriously i felt awful....then finally i heard, " the winner for today's motion is, the opposition!!"

oh my goodness...i can't believe it...we won?!?! we're entering the finals?? oh damn i have to sleep late again today =P

A further education is a must to have success in life - Day 2

2005-04-07T23:23:00.000+08:00

A further education is a must to have success in life - Day 2

5th of April

well, today will be the round 2 of our debate competition..as usual, i was working with my speech with my mum till 2am last night...by the time i reach school, my eye lids were so heavy that they kept closing....hahaha...

today we're facing a tougher opponent..it would be 4b or 5a...these two classes will be debating before recess, and the winner will be debating with us after recess.. in the end, 5a managed to won over 4b...when i got the news, i was like, shit..5a ar? actually i was hoping that 4b will win, cuz if so at least we're facing a form4..not form 5...i think today it will be a very very slim chance for us...sigh

well, maybe i'm wrong...haha for the 5a debaters only got the motion for the day right after their 1st debate..i don't understand why is that so, for the paper that states all the title of the motions were given weeks ago...but nevertheless, it was a good news to us for they won't be as well-prepared...even though they just got the motion, it seems that they are very good in giving spontaneous replies...so, still cannot underestimate them la...

the debate started a few periods after recess...as usual, my classmates came and support us...undeniably their cheers and clapping never failed to lift up our spirits and soothes the tension among us =) me, jintik and joshua felt that we should do the prayer again, and so we did it...don't wanna break the tradition mar =p

our team was the opposing team...therefore the 1st speaker of the goverment will deliver her speech first..she's quite a soft spoken girl..all of us failed to POI her for her voice is sooo soft and we have no idea what is she saying...haha...and when my turn comes, i had more confident in myself =) at least this time my hand didn't shake =P hahaha

but the judge for my debate today is a lil different...he's not a teacher....haha..in fact he's a form5 student from my school who is in the debate team...vei shaun... haih getting a student to judge us made me felt even more nervous...cuz u never know, a student can be even more strict than a teacher...haha

when he was about to announce the results, i dunno y, in my mind i keep picturing that vei shaun will annouce the goverment as the winner... but surprisingly, he announced the opposition as the winner!! US!!! i couldn't believe it at first...joshua and jintik were overwhelmed till they start to hug each other... i wanted to hug them too, but i'm a girl....so, a friendly hand-shake will do =P

p/s: today i won the best speaker too..tee hehehe ^^

school uniform is necessary - day 1

2005-04-07T23:07:00.000+08:00

school uniform is necessary - day 1

4th of April

today would be my first day of debating...wah...damn damn nervous...last night me n my mom were trying so hard to prepare the speech.....my conclusive speech will be done by jin tik... our opponent will be 4C..haha next class next door only...cuz the debate will be held after recess in our class, so the debaters spent the whole morning trying to prepare...sigh didn't listen to teacher teaching again... after recess, i started to have nervous-breakdown....needless to say, i had butterflies in my stomach.. our opponents were just next door, so i think every single one of them took their chairs and went to my class...wah...lagi tension...iskisk

before we start our debate, as we wait for the arrival of the judge, i suggested to joshua and jintik that we do a small lil prayer before we begin our battle....they agreed instantly..so all of us were holding hand to hand, forming a circle and we prayed...

finally, the debate started..i kept drinking water cuz i felt my throat was like damn damn dry...i'm the prime minister of the goverment therefore i will be doing the opening speech...the resolution for the day is "School uniform is necessary"...my speech was in cards so i just need to read from it...but duno y...damn paiseh...maybe because it'z my 1st time, and i was very nervous...my hand keep shaking...*i hope no one noticed* actually i intended to hold the cards with one hand, so that the other hand can move freely as i deliver my speech...but it was like shaking so terribly until i have to hold the cards with both hand to stop them from shaking...luckily my speech delivery wasn't that bad...in fact i got quite a loud applause ( my class supporters damn keng 1) haha

after i've ended my speech, it was yi jien's turn...but surprisingly, he kept stuttering and the points he tried to make wasn't that clear... i guess he's very very nervous or he's suffering from stage fright...then next was wai tseung...similar to yi jien also..he's more confident but still a bit soft...hehe..so in the end when sze luan deliver her rebuttal, although she did it without paper and she did pretty well...finally when the results were announced, our class won!! and needless to say, the best speaker was sze luan....but to me, winning is much much better =P kekeke

SMK Seafield's Sport Day 2005~

2005-04-05T14:35:00.000+08:00

SMK Seafield's Sport Day 2005

wow, it's been quite a while since i last posted...what to do recently everything damn happening la..well let's begin with my school's sports day =p

31st March 2005 - aiyo....i have to wake up SOOO early today...normally i dont even bother to get my ass off my bed this early, even during school days..haha..i had to reach MPSJ by 6.45am...sigh..

anyway, our performance was...well OK...hahaha just that i didn't know what i was playing for i skipped alot of band practise =P i know i know...alot of people are mad with me due to my absence...but we are performing as a band, so no one will know whether i play right or wrong also la...kekeke

after our performance, the school teachers damn sui la...evil....haha they don't allow us to leave the field until 1.10pm...(normal school time la) aiyo...have to linger around the field with the hot sun burning right above our heads...i felt we were like barbequed chicken wings...hahaha

but one thing made it worth the while for my stay in the field la...hehe that is i got to talk to kathir =) sigh it's been quite a while since i have a proper conversation with him...due to many reasons... oh well, at least we grabbed the opportunity to talk right? at least for today.... so we went walking around the field....round and round and round and round...hahaha...we also sat on benches and talk and talk and talk...some how i forgotten that the sun is shining fiercely up there *lolz*

so in the end, what i got? haha err...i somehow got my 1st hickey =p an extremly big wan, and i think it is not in the place where it should be also kekekkee.... aiya so paiseh when people keep asking...in additon to that, the color was very similar too! haahha...sun burn...of all things i got sun burn...

damn sad...now my skin got various tones of color..haha...furthermore, i wanted to wear sleevless clothing for saturday...sigh, now it seems that i should not =(

i wished someone could tell me..

2005-03-23T15:50:00.000+08:00

i wished someone could tell me..

my question is, is it the end ?? well i certainly hope it is..for never have i felt this disappointed with someone.. nevertheless whenever i recalled the way he handled these things, in this case - relationships, the little bud of hatred of me begins to blossom, and grow...

how i wished we never had that conversation, that night...before our argument started, he was telling that he will be letting me go, because his parents do not encourage him to have any relationships currently...and being a devoted Christian, he took it as a 'sign' from God, saying that God said that man should honour their parents...so, since his parents disagree, God does not agree too, and so he will give up on courting me...

no, we're not a couple yet...we weren't even close in being one...for i hesitated when he asked, twice actually...the main reason i was doubtful was because i'm very clear that i do not love him....he's a very bold, dominant and prideful man but nevertheless he's a genius in school.. to me, the very basic foundation of a relationship is when two individuals start to fall for each other, or the very least, fond of each other....

but i did not have such feeling towards him..honestly speaking, even for my last relationship i had with Jason, the main factor that we broked up was i did not love him..even though i tried very hard to do so...at times i even wondered, is there anything wrong with me?? why can't i fall in love?? is it because of the experience i had with daqiang, which did not work out, not even to be a couple, but yet so painful...leaving a deep deep scar at the bottom of my heart...which all this while i was trying to heal it...and as time goes by, i thought the pain is gone, and i felt relieved... yet whenever i recall it, sometimes tears still shed from my eyes...maybe i was wrong to think that i've gotten over it already..

yes, i admit that since the betrayal and cheating and all, i began to lose faith and trust in men... but i'm positive that i do trust my friends, guy or girl...just that when it comes to relationships, i tend to be doubtful..i know people always say that " it is not advisable to start a relationship at such a tender age"...but who can guarantee when it is the right time to start one? who can say when you should start and when you should not?

that's why i only trust in one thing...my heart. it will tell me how i feel about this/that guy currently...whether i truly like him, or it is just a crush, or plainly fond of him, but not love... i had 3 relationships before, and another 1 which we did not even date....yet i wonder among this 4 relationships, have i ever found love? Did Cupid abandoned me somehow? i hate the fact that why is it so hard for me to fall for someone, is it because the failures i had last time? is it fear that helds me back now? i wished someone could tell me..

truthfully speaking, i was getting soft-hearted and all as i see the effort he placed on me... i saw sincerity in him...however it totally shut me off when his arrogance began to show, when we argue over sensitive issues that i can never tolerate...when he start annoucing to other people that 'officially' he will be giving up on me...i wonder, did he ever considered how would i feel?? if you say u love me so and so, is that all you can offer?

i'm just a plain simple girl..i've to admit that most of the time, i'm naive... yes, especially when it comes to relationships...my friend once asked me, what's the criteria i'm looking for in a guy? i was stunned, unable to give any answers, for i never thought of such questions...because i never set anything like certain 'standards' to become my partner...i believe that it is sincerity, genuine, truthfullness, loyalty and last but not least-love that counts... is that too much to ask? am i being picky to have such requirements?

i wished someone could tell me..

movie outing - 17th March

2005-03-18T12:32:00.000+08:00

movie outing - 17th March

i had to wake up darn early this morning, 7 stg!! or else nobody will be able to fetch me over to abby's house..haha no choice la...not enough sleep, eyes half closed, pujuk pujuk my bros to send me over there...keke

by noon, abby hsiao yinn and me arrived at summit...we're gonna catch a movie today with the rest of the guys, josh kiavin and leon...sam will be joining us later...due to many protests by us, =P we decided not to watch ' series of unfortunate events', itz a pretty dull show u know...haha instead, we got ourselves robots!! haha an animated show

the most embarressing part is, when we are about to enter the cinema, the 3 of us : me sam n abby got to the wrong cinema!! haha we thought it was thx but actually it's cinema 1 ler....when we went to thx we were wondering where are the rest of the guys, cuz actually they are ahead of us mar, so they should be there before we do...but then when the movie 'Hitch' starts, we knew we aint suppose to be where we were right then...haha...quickly we ran down the stairs, straight to the escalator...lol...

after the movie outing, i had to rush straight for my 1st gymrama lesson with serena...i was damn damn scared cuz this is my first time....as u know my flexibility and skills have their limits, and this is another reason i need another coach too...whoa, the warm up is really killing man... 100 front skips with the rope, 100 back skips, 50 cross-skips, 50 single-double skips.. and alot of other streching exercise...worst of all, all of us thought the class is an hour only, but serena said it's 2!!! die man...some more i felt dehydrated cuz i did not bring my water bottle along...poor me..haha...

when i'm back from the lesson..my legs muscle are stiff...STIFF...haha and now i have to go for my latin dance class...i think i'm gonna suffer tonight...cuz the dance i'm learning currently is jive, a very fast and energetic dance which envolves alot of leg kicking...haha

by the end of the day, i think i was limping already whenever i walk..cant bear it lol...

Red Box here i come!! - 16th March

2005-03-18T11:51:00.000+08:00

Red Box here i come!! - 16th March

the day finally arrives...i've been really looking forward to this day, the day we ex 3'amanah-ians go for some karaoke session at red box pyramid!! haha i had never been there before, although my bro always talk about it...so today i'm filled with curiosity and excitement!!

there are 9 of us : jintik, teong eu, lawrence, eujin, yihao, hanjun, abby, samantha and me. we got the room no.29, a pretty big room actually..we had 3 mics there...good enough la...but due to the our number of people, sometimes we just had to share mic, or take turns to use it. haha afterall we practise sharing is caring right? =P

well we had one great time over there...12-3pm..within these 3 hours we sang all our favourite songs...especially jay chow's haha...we also had F.I.R, jolin tsai, simple plan etc etc too much to name...

i bought a cake from redbox, so we decided to have a early celebration of his birthday la..since that day he wont be at school cuz of the forum...hehe....so 'happy birthday to u, happy birthday to u' we sang...jintik seem to enjoyed it, well, good lor den =P after redbox, we went on our ways and head shopping!! *yay*

but things began to change its color by the end of the day.....

firstly i was a bit worried about tomorrow's outing...i doubt that kiavin wil make any arrangements yet...i tried to call him many times but yet i failed cuz no one seem to pick up...den while i was on9, i was chatting with jintik...he's the main reason of why i got so heated up...

actually we were chatting as usual, nothing extraordinary...it started when he was talking about hanjun did convert into christianity afterall...i was very happy for jintik, because i know he tries very hard in evangelising...but he got me sparked to flames when he told me to do so onto my freinds, that would be samantha carolyn and abby...this is not the first time he said so, and by this time i'm getting fed-up of it...i told him calmly, that people work in different ways..and i don't believe in evangelisation is everything about christianity...but he insists and keep reassuring that he is correct and all...and things got worse when i firmly said that as long people are good, even if they cannot go straight to heaven, they won't be send straight to hell just like that!! it hurts me so much when he kept saying as long as their non christian believers, they will perish in hell....how hurtful....i was pretty tired by the end of the conversation, not just my body because i had been out the wholeday, but also my mind...my soul....tired of arguing with protestants about who's right and who's wrong...until we have to take out our bibles instead...

the conversation i had with jintik did not go anywhere....i had to go so i logged off first..however when i checked my bulletin board in friendster, i saw that our interact i.u gonna be held in our school hall!! instead of a hotel!!! how can it be....it suppose to be a grand event..formal elegant classy...but now school hall?!?! what are the rotarians thinking of now allowing us to have it in a proper hotel instead...by this time i'm gonna burst into tears already, out of fury, not sadness... i really don't wanna perform in such a lame thing...i can't believe that things can change in such a quick swift...everything is turning out so badly...afterall the stressful conversations..hectic day i had...shocking experience when i found out about the i.u....i had to voice out....and leon was there =)

since the bad experience i had last year, after i had got over with it ( with the help of all my friends) i didn't really talk to leon about my inner self, how i feel and all...but that night he really helped me...no doubt he is a good listener =) and by the end of the day, i managed to smile once more, thanks dude!

for now, i'll just pray hard that things will get better soon...

shall we dance? - 15th March

2005-03-18T11:21:00.000+08:00

shall we dance? - 15th March

"shall we dance" *clap clap clap* i often hear people singing this song whenever they feel like dancing, or just plainly being cheerful... it is indeed a very good song to cheer u up...by the way if u still duno, it's the theme song from 'the king and i'...haha

well today shen yee suppose to take me out for movies...nowadays it's very rare that he got 'freetime' to take me out...haha...but before he come to fetch me, samantha and i have to knock out heads thinking who is booking for the redbox??? the guys are the one who suppose to book it, but i think they din't set a time to meet....haih...guys...arranging things = lousy....so we decided to book ourselves first...sam made the call, but she pandai pandai go say my name and give my contact some more... *drops dead*

by 1 shen yee came, pretty punctual as usual...i hopped into the car and he told me we are gonna watch 'shall we dance' today... *yippee* i always love any movies about dances...haha...so we drove all the way to midvalley and buy tickets...got us some popcorns and drinks, and to the cinema we head!

the show is nice...espeacially the story line =) richard gere is exceptionally charming when he was up the escaltor, wearing tuxs, and holding a stalk of deep red rose...now that's what i call charming!! this show don't show much of the latin dances...out of the 5, they only had chacha and paso doble...which i think aint that good compared to the paso doble of 'strictly ballroom' .. but instead, it's more of waltz and quickstep...elegant dances....yes yes...and whoa, j.lo can really dance...(i didn't know she was a latino dancer before) haha...

overall...i had a great day...and looking forward for tomorrow....hehe karaoke? =p

a dream is a wish ur heart makes

2005-03-09T16:06:00.000+08:00

a dream is a wish ur heart makes

yay!!! finally i'm really going disney on ice!! at first i was worried when my mom said that she might not be able to get the tickets....but guess wat?! i went last monday night!! haha for the 8.30pm session =) hip hip hurray!

whenever i tell ppl that i want to go disney on ice...they will go like, wat?! u still small ar? yea! i'm a kiddo inside...childish and immatured....hehe when it comes to disney, i will melt! i've spent my entire childhood watching disney shows, especially the seven princess : Mulan, Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty, Little Mermaid, Beauty and the Beast, Aladdin, and Snow White.

when my parents and i reached the stadium, gosh it was packed! afterall there are many fans of disney! hehe we managed to get a lower tier seat, 4th row from the front...and outside the stadium there were several stalls selling disney souvenirs...such as toys, tshirts, mugs etc.

the show started at 8.30 sharp...the first princess to perform is Jasmine and Aladdin!! they even had a flying carpet!! next it was little mermaid...where u can see ppl dressed in leotards with fins on their head, body, hand and feet...it looked beautiful because they all look so colourful, just like the fishes! haha and we even got Sebastian! =P but i like the part where the evil queen of the sea took Ariel's voice...very interesting...i like the music best!

then the event was followed up by sleeping beauty...it started with the 3 fairy godmothers...trying to sew the dress for Aurora's 16th birthday....they eventually manage to change it from red to blue, blue to red! jus like the movies! hehe...and then came the evil witch with her spinning-wheel..and Aurora pricked her finger...

after that we had mulan....as usual they played christina aguilera's-reflection... very nice...we get to see snow white...and the seven dwarfs!! gosh they are SOO CUTE! and once again the valiant witch came with the poisonous apple...haha...and lastly before the interval, we had beauty and the beast....with the song by celine dion...gosh all these music are so meaningful....that's why i enjoyed watching disney =p

after the 6 princesses perform..there was a 15 min interval....i managed to squeezed out of that crampy place to buy stg =P my mum gave me 50 bucks, so i bought a Dopey t-shirt...hehe! then the night continued with the cinderella story....pity that the prince fell during his solo performance...i guess every pro also will make mistakes at times =) but cinderella was beautiful..even the person who was performing it...and yea...those mice!! so cute!!! awwww i wished they sell those in the souvenir shop...

the night ended at 10.30pm sharp...i was very much impressed with their punctuality...what to do, international standard mar =P on my way out i managed to grab a pair of mickey and minnie plushie..120 bucks! my own money...hehe....but since young i always wanted a pair of those, so i knew if i do not buy it, definitely i will regret it later on...hehe

this night had become one of my happiest night after so long...it's amazing to see fairy tales come alive like this...and their skating skills were fantastic...plus, i enjoyed watching the castle change from time to time....i would definitely agree that it is worth to buy the tickets, for the show... how i hope they will come again, soon =p

on my way home....my heart, my mind, my voice, can't stop singing disney songs..

A dream is a wish your heart makes
When you're fast asleep
In dreams you lose your heartaches
Whatever you wish for, you keep

Have faith in your dreams and someday
Your rainbow will come smiling through
No matter how your heart is grieving
If you keep on believing
the dream that you wish will come true

a pencil case..

2005-03-09T15:44:00.000+08:00

a pencil case

on the 7th of Mac, last monday, i had to admit that it had been very eventful for me....hehe yea very happening indeed...but in a good way =)

well, jintik really did get me a new pencil case!! haha i was like, stunned for a moment there when he passed me that package...even though he told me he's gonna get me one ( the previous pencil case of mine was stolen =[ ) , i never thought that he will get it so soon... it's like just over the weekend only.. seem that afterall he aint that 'muk duk' haha

hmmm the pencil case is blue in colour...not a very bright blue, but instead a pretty faded and dull-looking blue...actually i saw this Tropicana Life pencil case many times before, but i did not buy it...instead i bought one which is 10 bucks more expensive from Op...too bad it was stolen in school *sobsob* anyways, when i first look at the pencil case, i did not really like it, honestly speaking... although it had a nice floral printing on it, but i would choose the pink colour one if i get to choose...

but come to think of it, it is the thought that counts right? he stayed to his word at least....and by the way, the pencil case aint that bad afterall...and i was surprised that he is willing to spend 20 bucks on gifts for me ( the pencil case is 20 bucks)...i remember very well last time he was hesitating when i wanted to buy a bag from TL too...it was supposed 2 be my belated bday present....but it cost 22, which exceeded his budget.....so in the end i had to pay around 40% of it...haha! so this time, i take it as an 'improvement' lor... =p afterall that pencil case looks quite nice too, after i reviewed it several times...

one afternoon, i managed to ask him about why he chose this pencil case for me... what makes him choose blue? TL brand? floral? then he answered, TL is a good brand, and i like the colour blue ( i think he made that statement because he saw my previous pencil case was all in blue), and the other 2 pencil case over there is pretty bulky n boyish...so he thinks that this should be fine...

when i first heard it, i felt well....afterall he's thoughtful...as a friend i'm glad to have him...and about the pencil case...whenever i look at it, it shows that someone do or at least did care for me, once a upon a time =)

afterall, it's the thought that counts, right?

eujin's last day being a seafieldian sobz

2005-03-03T15:29:00.000+08:00

eujin's last day being a seafieldian *sobz*

the day has finally arrived... today it would be our last time seeing eujin as a seafieldian... he will be leaving for catholic high tomorrow... time flies and we had been friends for 4 years already, since form 1 when i 1st know him..

eujin is a very responsible guy...that's why he was our class monitor for like 2? 3? years in a row? haha somehow i pity him cuz he always get elected... other then that he'z a librarian too...pn tan always compliment him of how responsible and efficient he is... such a fine young men huh? nevertheless he'z our no 1 goal keeper in the Rejectz Soccerteam...haha

but this year..aikz bad things keep happening around us...esp on poor eujin...he was forced to change school due to certain reasons...(which i shouldnt mention here) anyway, i was pretty shock and couldnt accept it at first when i heard of it...i felt so miserable and duno wat to do when i hear his current situation... there's nothing much i can do 2 help...i can only pray hard that he will do fine there...

today i went to school with the card that i bought last week...itz a really BIG CARD from memory lane hehe.. i manage to get almost every ex-3A to sign it...and a couple of librarians, classmates and teachers too! at first the card was pretty much empty...but soon enough it was so full till there's no other place to drop a message...haha...well back to school, my camera is with me as usual =P snap snap snap keke.. trying not to miss anyone or anything out =) by the end of the day, the result is pretty rewarding for i took almost everything =P ahaha

towards the end of the day, eujin had his stomach ache again...he couldnt walk up so we guys went to st john's room and keep him company there...hehe ponteng class also =P by now we're feeling pretty down cuz we know that soon the bell will ring and he will be leaving soon... we sat by his bed and sang a couple of songs..haha...as u all know jay chow is their favourite singer among them because his songs are very meaningful and touching =) we even sang goodbye songs...haha..luckily no1 cried...or else damn embaressed loo....

all i can do now is..pray pray pray HARD...that eujin would do fine over there! may God bless him always!

a day where people cries =(

2005-03-02T18:04:00.000+08:00

a day where people cries =(

haihz...thought today would be fine...but i was shocked to death when carolyn told me she saw eujin was so sick dat he had to be 'papah' down to st johns room...so she n i quickly ponteng our class...even though it is add maths period..double period some more!! went down n c him lor...poor guy there having a major gastric...can see him in such agony...kesian...aikz and he was talking about his current situation in life...man he broke down in tears...sobbing so badly... lawrence n i as frenz also duno wat 2 say la...

i couldnt stop worry for eujin...tomorrow will be his last day in school...i'm afraid the similar thing happen and he couldnt fit in there....worried worried worried...

and guess wat...sam cried 2day..known her for 4 years, 1st time saw her broke down to tears...it was because of her addmaths result...she failed...poor darling...it seems that her class alot of people failed addmaths...even ppl who take tuition like dq and weng yue... yesterday carolyn n i were frutting about us getting C...but now i changed my mind...i'm glad that i managed to pass, when other ppl didnt...and at least i got a C, not a D right? =)

jus hope that my these two best friends will feel better by now...

exam results sucks!!

2005-03-01T18:33:00.000+08:00

exam results sucks!!

sob sob i wanna cry liao!! today got back my add maths, maths and bio..aikz...damn cacat...esp my maths n add maths!! could have got SOOO MUCH HIGHER if i wasn't careless....i could've got at least a B for add maths instead of a C...sobz...1st C in my life....

as for maths...damn! 100 was my target!! or 90+ also not that bad la...unexpectedly ---- 82...and u know what mistake i did? copy wrong question!! 10 marks there ar....wah sam thong sam thong =(

bio wasnt great too..i got 74, a2...i terbalik the facts again!! i feel like strangling and hitting myself...anne y u so stupid 1?!?!?! and teacher wont give me 1 mark...jus 1 mark =( then i could've got a1 mar..so kiamsiap 1 haih..

anyway what is done is already been done..midyear exam work harder lo! must get a1 for add maths!!!

2 do or not 2 do??

2005-02-28T15:42:00.000+08:00

2 do or not 2 do??

well went 2 school as usual today...wah nearly got caught for being late again...sometimes just wish that the school teachers and prefects can give us extra few minutes to walk into the school...sometimes i was jus late because of traffic jams!! and even walking from the bus-stop to the main entrance could be delayed because of the crowd and the cars!! aikz..already two times i've been late ( i know i know...it's suppose 2 be normal for being late) haha...

got back some of my test papers today....generally itz fine...but i know i could've done better...especially since my objective did so well, why cant my subjective part goes the same way 2? argh i couldn't stop arguing with my physics teacher...because one of the question she gave me 0/4 ( embaressing le....) haha like my friends used to say, whenever it comes to examination results....i become the most kiasu person ever lived ahahha!!

oh well...tomorrow got maths, add maths, bio and bm...i'm very worried for my add maths results....aikz...because the failure rate in other classes are extremely high 2....well letz just pray hard..... =)

p/s : btw....should i seriously train myself to dance?? it would be great....but do i have the time?? aikz...